Mystery & Melancholy

No, I'm not dead...

2007-05-08T18:24:00.000+09:30

Greetings Everyone

I'm terribly sorry to have neglected you all, all three of you that is...

The last few weeks have been fairly hectic.

At the end of March I left my job of nearly 8 years to take up a position with a different government (C/Wealth). I started my training 3 weeks ago and I have nearly 4 weeks to go. It's killing me! I'm exhausted and just want to get on with the job. That, I'm looking forward to...

Leaving my old job was fairly easy in the end, especially given the treatment I received, or rather, lack of it. You see, for nearly 8 years I was a member of the Management team, however, I was the only civilian member and as such, the lowest paid. That had absolutely no bearing on my importance. I know that sounds a tad egotistical, but honestly, rarely were decisions made without my input. I thought that might count for something.

Others from the Management team have come & gone & when they've gone, they've usually had a lunch or morning tea thrown on, a presentation after a whip around of everyone in the building, and a heap of glowing praise. What did I get? A few hollow words at a morning meeting by the Superintendent who has no people skills and a superiority complex and no idea what I had achieved in the years i had been there. Gee thanks. The guys I worked closely with took me to lunch and presented me with some lovely items to remember them by. Nobody outside of my immediate colleagues signed the card. It was as if I'd only been there three weeks and nobody would miss me. Now, I'm not one for a huge fuss, but I was somewhat underwhelmed, taken aback, and I suppose, hurt, by the lack of effort. It left me feeling sad. It also left me feeling that they didn't deserve to have me.

There was one thing that occurred that really did make me wish I wasn't going. Back in the early days I worked with a couple of Detectives (MC & JB) on a few meaty cases. They were fun times & we achieved a great deal. Those detectives then moved to other areas and I only saw them occasionally. On the Tuesday before I left, MC came bounding in, straight toward me, with a huge grin on his face, and announced he was back as the new Detective Senior Sergeant and wasn't it great that we'd be able to work together again. It was great to see him, gut it was with genuine sorrow that I had to tell him I was leaving on Thursday. His face fell. I almost cried. At least someone was going to miss me. Someone other than my immediate colleagues. It is a memory I will treasure.

I'm now waiting for a pizza, because i can't be stuffed cooking - I'm exhausted and run down. My brain is dead, and until i can think of something clever & interesting, I'll let you get back to whatever it was that you were doing...

Memories in a Dish

2007-04-07T12:14:00.000+09:30

Isn't it strange how we often associate certain foods with the ones we love, and that we only really enjoy them when that person makes them?

We recently made a surprise visit to Queensland to visit my M-I-L. After she recovered from the shock of us turning up on her doorstep unannounced, she prepared one of her signature dishes, Bread & Butter Pudding. It was delicious! Although it's easy to prepare (even the culinary challenged like me can make it), i will not make a Bread & Butter Pudding until such time as my M-I-L can no longer do so, or if I'm requested.

I think it's important to maintain those links, the associations of favourite dishes to the ones we love. With regard to my own Mum, it's lamingtons. i generally will not eat a lamington if not made by my own Mum. They are simply the best in the world, why eat anyone else's?

I ate a sponge kiss the other day, bought on special at the local Coles. It reminded me of my Grandma (Dad's Mum). She didn't entertain often, but when she did, she would make trumpet shaped sponge kisses dusted with icing sugar and served with cups of tea in fine china cups.

My Nanna had several signature dishes. Jelly & Spanish cream (a type of set custard), gingerbread, Lily Pilly Jam (delicious - tastes like Plum), Boiled eggs with soldiers served on the plate with the daffodil and violets, strawberries picked from the garden drowned in cream & sugar, Roast lamb so tender it fell off the bone.... Nobody can make these things just like Nanna..

Actually Nanna, made sure nobody could make these things just like her. Being very possessive of her 'signature dishes', when passing on recipes to Mum, would alter them, ever so slightly, so that they would never be the same, or as nice as when she made them. Mum is still trying to perfect the gingerbread recipe. Nanna was a funny one at times....

I'm not really sure if I have a signature dish. If i do, it's probably Lasagne, or a potato bake. Hardly anything terribly inspiring. I shall have to develop some more......

Do you have a signature dish? What are the signature dishes made by the ones you love?
Do you think it's important to maintain that exclusivity of the dish to the person? Or am I just a sentimental old sap?

Blog from the Past

2007-04-04T14:13:00.000+09:30

This is something a little different for you. Before my Nanna passed away aged 98, she wrote a piece about her life story between the years 1905 to 1920. I found it interesting, and I think anyone interested in history, particularly local history, will also find it interesting. I've left the spelling and grammar intact as it appeared in the original document.

Anyway, here it is. The story of Gladys Hildegard Standen (nee Treloar)

---------------------------------------
Chapter one

The Farm

One Tank Homestead - Bower

My parents lived on a farm just out from Bower, which is halfway between Eudunda and Morgan. My dad was a councillor in the Morgan District Council

Morgan District Council. Dad on back row with tall hat

I had three sisters and one brother, Ruby, Pearl, Lot and Stan. My sisters were much older than I.

I was born at Eudunda and lived on the farm until I was about seven. We didn't live in a big house - what I can remember it was three rooms. Out at the side of the house was a big cellar. The other side of the cellar was an oven made of bricks. It was quite a large one. Mother made our bread in it twice a week I think and she had big high tins to make the Hi-top loaves like we have today. I think about six loaves at a time. She always made her own yeast from potatoes sugar and hops. When the bread was made it was put in the tins and left near the stove inside, covered by a blanket and left to stand overnight. I think the outside over was filled with wood and left to burn overnight. In the morning the coals would be scraped out and tins of bread would go in. I can't remember what kind of door it had to keep the heat in, but I do remember how I loved that hot crusty bread.

We had a stove in the kitchen in the big fireplace. An oven with just Iron bars over it with a kettle always on the boil. The stove was always painted black. Curtains with red flowers on them hung from the mantelpiece and were pulled around to hide the stove when it wasn't lit.

There was a Camp Oven outside, probably used in hot weather to keep the kitchen cool.

We had four cows - Cherry, Brindle, Flower and Blossom. Lot always milked the cows then mother would strain the milk. We had three very big pans and the milk would go in to them and they were put on top of the wood stove to scald, then when it was cold it would be put down into the cellar for a few days. Then mother would skim the beautiful cream from the milk. When she had enough cream she made butter with it. Made by hand with wooden butter 'Pats'. When Dad went into Bower he would sell the butter. I guess in those days it would have only brought five or six pennies a pound.

We kept a lot of fowls and I can remember packing dozens of eggs into a wooden box with chaff to stop them breaking. I think they were only worth tuppence a dozen.

We also kept Pigs. I guess they were fed on Bran and Pollard and the lovely milk that was over. I loved the little piglets but not the big ones.

We had a lot of horses, black ones and brown ones, I think Dolly was the mother. We had a lot of sheds to keep them in and to store the wheat, and big hay stacks outside. We usually had two dogs. I remember one was called Dash. He was bitten by a snake and died, he was tan and black, then we had a big black one, and he was called Watch.

Dad would cut the wood and Lot would help him load it up on a wagon, which had a high frame around it to keep the wood stacked high. Dad would take that into Bower with the Butter and eggs to sell.

When Dad killed a poor pig Lot had to help him. We had another cellar that was a smokehouse. When dad killed a pig it was all hung in there and smoked. At Christmas time Dad would pack a big box to be sent down to Kapunda to my Grandma Treloar's house. A leg of ham, butter and eggs. I am sure she would have enjoyed that. One year, someone in the railways stole it. Poor Grandma was very disappointed and so was Dad.

Glad at Grandmas house 1993

I have always loved Christmas. I remember Mother always worked hard to make things nice and always made Gingernuts and iced them. When Dad went into Bower each week, he would bring home the 'Chronicle' the weekly country paper. The outside cover was pink and I think Mother saved all the pink pages and at Christmas would cut the paper into strips and make a long chain, each loop about two inches long. She would make one loop in pink and the next one white and they would be stuck together with paste made with plain flour and boiling water. These chains would be hung from the ceiling, one corner to another. We thought they were beautiful. We always had a big branch from a tree, not a pine tree, for our Christmas Tree. I can't remember what we decorated the tree with, but my brother Stan always left a bottle of Ginger Beer and some Gingernuts for Father Christmas. Mother always made Ginger Beer and Dad made Hop Beer in a cask, We had an organ and mother played while she and Dad sang. They both sang nicely.

I remember one Christmas I got a lovely Sleeping Doll. It had two strings hanging under her pretty dress. When I pulled one she would say 'Mama', and if I pulled the other one she would say 'Papa'. She was beautiful.

Stan, Glad and Sleeping doll

We did have neighbours about a mile away. Their name was Mr. and Mrs Finn. They had four children, all older than Stan and I. I think Tom Finn was about the same age as my sister Lot. I think they liked each other. One of Tom's sisters died of Consumption (TB). That was probably the reason why Lot and Tom did not finish up together as TB was contagious, or perhaps they were too young. Mr Finn had a Gramophone and when they came to visit they always brought it with them and a lot of nice records, cylinder shape. The Gramophone was put on legs and it had a big trumpet to it, one like 'His Master's Voice' I think my sister lot was bridesmaid for their eldest daughter Rose. I guess that was lovely for Lot. The wedding was held at Angaston. We had a lot of music that day.

Another thing I remember was our Lime Kiln. Dad must have scooped out the big hole. It looked like a room without a roof. There were a lot of limestones on the Farm and we all helped to collect them. Dad cut a lot of wood and would put a layer of wood then a layer of stones until the hole was filled. I don't know how Dad got this burning, but it burnt for ages until it was all burnt down and the fire was out. I can't remember the smell it made, bit have been told it did smell. All that was left was powdered lime. Mother would put some powder in a bottle and add water to it. We would have a drink of this each morning. I am sure I didn't like it, but it was supposed to be good for our bones, but the main reason for the making the lime was for White Washing the house, inside and out, also the cellar, brick oven and the 'Loo' which was a long way from the house.

We only had two big square iron tanks. Not having a big house we didn't catch much rain up there. We had a dam not too far from the house. In the summer I would live to go down to the dam at sunset. There would be rabbits and lots and lots of lovely little birds there for a drink. When our ranks were empty Dad had to cart water. He would put one of the square tanks on the wagon and go a long way to get it filled. I don't know he got the tank on the wagon by himself.

Dad had a man to help him when it was harvest time. He had his meals with us and on summer nights Mother would put a large Tarpaulin on the ground. We didn't have any lawn or grass near the house so we would sit on that and George would tell Stan and me stories about wild animals. We had two Pepper Trees in front of the house but water was so scarce we only had a small garden to grow vegetables. Growing around and near the house was mostly low salt bushes. In springtime we would find some pretty wildflowers and a lot of yellow and white everlasting flowers. They were pretty and last a long time. Mother must have grown Sunflowers. I remember she had two pretty green vases she would put the Sunflowers in them and stand them on the organ.

The paths around the house were always swept, even the long one up to the Loo.

When the wheat was almost ready to reap, one block was a long way up through the trees and about mid-day Stan and I would have to go to this paddock to chase the Emus away from the wheat. Sometimes there would be a big flock of them. We would hear the Kangaroos fighting during the night.

The Eudunda show was on in September and this must have been the highlight of my dear Mother's life. We would all go down to Eudunda in the cart. Mum and Dad, I can't remember where Lot sat, must have been on the seat, Stan and I on the floor at the back. It nearly always rained that day. I think Stan and I stayed with Aunt Susie (Dad's sister) in Eudunda. What I remember most about that day was having a coconut. The day before the show we would pick a lot of thistles for our blue rabbit and fill up his cage. He was lovely, we had him for years. Sometimes we would put a piece of string around his neck and take him for a walk. One day Dad found a lovely little yellow bunny, but it died.

The farm was very hot in summer and very cold in winter. We always had a big plate of porridge for breakfast to keep us warm.

We sometimes drove into Bower, there was only one shop there. I think Lot would drive us in. Prince was always the horse Lot used. Once, I remember we went up to Morgan for a picnic down by the river. I thought that was lovely, to watch the Punt crossing the river with horses and carts on it. I don't think anyone had motor cars in those days.

I can't remember having any Children's books like they have these days. We had copybooks to learn writing. Mother was our only Teacher. I always remember her reading us the book 'Swiss Family Robinson'. We must have been very good children, I can’t ever remember having a slap.

Mother was a good cook and would make lovely sponges (I can see her now beating the eggs with a fork) and apple pies and wild peach pies when they were in season. I guess we had plenty of cream on the pies. Mother also made lovely Cornish Pasties. When Dad was working in the faraway paddock Stan and I would take a big one up at lunchtime.

We had a big swing, also a seesaw, but we were never allowed to ride a horse.

When we left the farm we went to live at Eudunda.

Grandma's house in the Main Street of Eudunda

My great Grandma Grace Grandma Catherine with one of my Aunts

Chapter two

Leaving the Farm

Mother - taken 1910. Susan Adelaide Treloar (nee Hele)

Father - taken 1910. Thomas Henry Treloar

I really can't remember what it was like leaving the farm. I do remember when we arrived at Eudunda in our wagon. The furniture piled high and our Blue rabbit in his cage. I don't think I told you about our little blue grey parrot we kept in a wire cage. He was so pretty with yellow and red on each side of his head and he could talk and whistle 'There is no luck about the house, there is no luck at all', he was also on the wagon and one dog, grey and white, His name was Tozer. Dash was bitten by a snake.

The house we lived in now was 3 1/2 miles the other side of Eudunda. Between Eudunda and Point Pass was a little German School. This was where Stan and I first started school. It really wasn't any good for us, not mixing with other children before this, and the children at this school could only talk German. Our Teacher was nice, she could talk English and her young sister would come and stay sometimes. I liked her, she could speak English too. Our Teacher's name was Miss Zerk. We did learn the Ten Commandments, The Catechism book was in German on one side and English on the other. On our exam day the only question we were asked was 'If a window had 3 panes across the top and 3 panes down the side, how many panes in the window?' The school was decorated with branches of gum trees and bows of pink ribbon. On our desk was half a Pomegranate, we had never seen one of those before. That was our Exam day.

The only thing that this school had in its favour was that we only had a short walk to go each morning. On our way home, sometimes we would see little Plovers nesting in the grass but they didn't like us coming close, they would fly at our heads to peck us.

When we were living there it was only Mother Stan and I. Lot had gone to live with our Aunties, Dad's sisters. Aunt Louie had two sons but Uncle had died, and Aunt Kate (I have forgotten the name of that Uncle).

They had a Boarding House in Broken Hill. I guess Lot thought that was nice after living in the bush. I think Lot was 21 then. My sister Pearl was living in Eudunda with Aunt Susie, another one of Dad’s sisters. Pearl would come out to see us. Then Pearl met Rob Downie and he would come out too. At this time Dad was share farming in Pinnaroo, but that didn't last very long, it was almost in line with our farm so the drought was through there too.

Stan and I didn't stay at that school for long, so it meant that we walked into Eudunda Public School 7 miles a day, rain or heat. While we were living there Mother was ill for weeks with Rheumatic Fever. I remember she had to be propped right up in bed. Dr Purvis from Eudunda would ride out almost every day on his lovely grey horse. There were no drugs in those days. My eldest sister Ruby was working in Adelaide at the time but she came home to nurse dear Mum. Mother had also had Rheumatic Fever when she was 18, that was why she had a weak heart. I think after that we moved into Eudunda to live so it was much better for Stan and I to go to school. Dad came home soon after we moved into Eudunda

Rear: Ruby Lot Pearl; Front: Glad Dad Stan Mother

We lived almost in the main street. We had a vacant block of land next to us. One time we had Wirth's Circus come there with all their animals. We had a Fig tree that side of the house and Elephant ate that. I think they gave us free tickets, we thought the circus was great.

By this time the First World War had started.

Stan and I started School in the First Class. Our teacher was very nice. Later when I was in Third class some of us were picked to sing in a school concert in the Town Hall. Mrs Edwards, our Headmaster's wife took us into her home to practice singing. She said to me 'You have a nice voice, it would be good if you could have it trained'. Of course that was impossible. In that concert we sang 10 Little Nigger Boys. We 10 girls stood on a form and wore white dresses with blue ribbon in our hair. Ten boys with blackened faces stood in front of us. As we sang one little nigger boy and so on we would push their shoulders and they would bob down. One of the boys lost his pants when he bobbed. It was fun, I think I was about 10 then. I was in another concert later when we all had Tambourines with red white and blue ribbons hanging on them. They were concerts to raise money for the Red Cross First World War effort.

When I was in first class and second class, each year for sewing, we had to make a pillowcase, and each year I put them in the Eudunda Show. I also entered an arrangement of wild flowers I roamed the hills for. Each year I got first prize for sewing and the flowers. I was very happy about that.

About that time Pearl and Rob were married in Eudunda. Rob's sister and I were kind of flower girls. We carried shepherd's crooks and thought we were great.

Chapter Three

Renmark

Dad and Mum on the verandah of 15th Street House.

Later on Dad and Stan went to Renmark. I can't remember how long they had been gone when Mum and I left Eudunda to go to Renmark too. Dad had a house for us next door to the Methodist church. That was where I lived until I came to Adelaide. I went to the Renmark School for about two years and made some nice friends. Madeline and Jean Proudfoot were good pals of mine, they lived right up the river end by the pumping station. They kept silkworms and when they went away I would go up there to feed them. We would go roller skating Saturdays. There was an open skating rink on the corner of Renmark Avenue and 15th Street.

Pearl and Rob came to live at Berri and when Pearl had little Joan she wasn't well for some time and Mum went down to help there. I stayed home from school to look after Dad and Stan, schools were not so strict then about attendance I am sorry to say, and no High School up there in those days.

Some Sundays Dad would hire a horse and sulky and we would go down to Berri to see Pearl and Rob. Little Joan died at seven months. I loved her very much.

Later I was a Sunday school teacher and would play the organ for Sunday school. One day I played the Organ for morning Church and one morning I went to Paringa and played for a service. I was also in the choir.

Mr Hisgrove had his cool drinks and ice factory across the street from us. I guess it was awful for poor Mum and Dad, in the summer it would be working day and night. It didn't worry me then. Mr Hisgrove had also had a shop down Murray Ave by the picture theatre, sweets drinks and icecreams, he wanted me to go and work in the shop but Dad didn't want me to do that.

Lot came home about then, poor mum was sick and was in the Renmark Hospital. When I was 18 she was there for three weeks. Her Dr. lived down 15th Street and would ride his push bike up to visit mum, poor darling, she wasn't very well in those days.

END
---------------------------------------------------------

And that, unfortunately, was all she could commit to paper before her health failed. It's a great shame, for we lose too much of our history and lament it's loss after we are able to capture it.

If You Wear That Velvet Dress....

2007-03-15T12:42:00.000+10:30

My favourite piece of clothing is a long, black, empire line velvet dress. I bought it on sale almost 10 years ago and it STILL looks good!

It's one of the most comfortable piece of clothing I own. It's a bit like wearing trackies - but doesn't look at all daggy. I often refer to it as my 'Monday Dress' as i frequently wear it on Mondays, when I really don't want to go to work, can't be bothered thinking of what to wear, and want to be comfortable.

I can dress it up or down, depending on the jewellery, but will always wear it with boots. I haven't owned a pair of court shoes for over 10 years. Me? I'm a boot girl. Black of course.

I always get compliments wearing this dress, even from total strangers in the street. I always feel good in it and i suppose that shows.

Do you have a favourite item of clothing? what is it & why do you like it so much?

Sniff, Sniff

2007-03-08T15:40:00.000+10:30

This is just a petty bitching session, so move on if you think you are going to be entertained.

Where I work, they don't supply tissues. (well, everywhere except the executive area) That's fair enough. I buy my own. Many of the girls here do. I don't mind if others use the occasional tissue - with or without asking. That's cool. not a problem.

One of my (male)colleagues has been using my tissues (most times asking) regularly for the last week & a half. He has a cold, hence he's been using quite a few. I KNOW they're only tissues, and I KNOW they're cheap, and I KNOW he's been courteous enough to ask, but if you've got a cold and need more than the odd one or two, BUY YOUR OWN FUCKING TISSUES!!!!!!

Hair Dilemma

2007-03-07T18:16:00.000+10:30

Most ranges of Shampoo and Conditioner now come in a number of different varieties to cater for different needs. You will typically find shampoo and conditioner specifically for:
- Dry hair
- Oily Hair
- Curl enhancing
- Fine Hair
- Smoothing
- Anti Frizz
- Normal hair
- Coloured hair

OK, my hair is coloured, curly (with a tendency to friz), fine and dry on the ends. What product should I buy? I need over half the range!!!!

Life Is Good

2007-03-06T14:30:00.000+10:30

Had a lovely weekend. And for a change, I returned to work Monday feeling refreshed. A rare thing of late.

It was quite a full couple of days starting off with a sleep ipn on Saturday. Then off to a second hand place reminiscent of Steptoe & Son. My other half found what he was looking for and & found a funky black folding chair for $5. I'm considering doing a decoupage number on it...Then it was into the city to have our ears blown out by the FA-18 Jet when it flew over Clipsal. Then home for a tasty lunch followed by some relaxing time cutting fabric for new Bedside table covers, to go with the new quilt cover. Watched the Clipsal race in the afternoon and continued with the domestic goddess routine (rare) and threw together a Lasagne (my specialty) for dinner, followed by Tim Tams for supper.

Sunday I had another sleep-in (heaven) followed by some brekky and a read of the paper. Then I did my sewing & made some lunch. The afternoon was spent cuddled up with my other half watching Clipsal and after a drive to the end of the earth & back & whipped up a macaroni cheese (unfortunately not my best this time).

It was a lovely weekend. It was relaxing, but I also achieved something. All is good...

Burnt Offerings

2007-02-25T13:13:00.000+10:30

Last night we held another successful BBQ. Well, I had fun anyway & the others looked like they were having fun.

The usual crowd arrived, with a couple of exceptions...and Chad was once again brilliant with the tongs producing far more meat that we could eat in one sitting. Guess what we're eating for the next couple of days? mind you, there's nothing better than a cold snag don't you think?

Interesting conversation abounded regarding the merits of various musical styles, common 'clients' of several of us, sexy lingerie and whether size or shape has anything to do with being sexy....Mr T was the topic of some of the conversation, with each of us having a tale to tell about the shifty little sod.

And it was a learning experience. Before the next one I have to purchase more forks (where have they all gone?) and some Kid Friendly entertainment which we were woefully lacking (sorry kidlets!)

Never miss an opportunity to share time with friends for they are the people who keep us sane......

I Forgot To Mention......

2007-02-25T13:00:00.000+10:30

Last week I found out that I have a new job. Still catching crooks, of sorts, but with a lot less emotional stress and a little more money. Not to mention the fresh start and change of scenery I desperately need. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time though.

It will result in many changes with the position likely to be based in the city, somewhere I haven't worked for 8 years. I no doubt will be a lot fitter by doing more walking than I currently do, and that can only be a good thing.

However, I will miss the people I have worked closely with over the years. Those that have become my 'other family'. Those that have stood by me during difficult times and provided unconditional support without judgement. I will also miss the excitement and sense of achievement when we get a good result. i will probably still get that in my new job, but i suspect it may not be quite as rewarding. Though it may also not be anywhere near as frustrating. What i won't miss is the constant exposure to other people's pain. The sexual abuse, the suicides, the Domestic Violence etc..... After a while it can (and did) have serious consequences. Yes, that is something I'm sure i won't miss.

Onwards and Upwards as they say......

Perceptions, Illusions and Rose Coloured Glasses

2007-02-17T14:08:00.000+10:30

It's no secret that I'm not overly happy with the way I look at the moment. I'm carrying too much weight, a side effect of medication, and it's making me feel, fat, ugly and old. I'm starting to eat better & less & doing more exercise. Fingers crossed.

What I've found really surprising though is that when I look in the mirror, I obviously don't wee what other people see. Or do I? Do other people see me as I see myself, or do they see the person staring back at me from recent photographs? I don't really know. Maybe it's as Warhol said, that blemishes should be removed from pictures, because that more how you're really seen anyway. People don't notice the faults. It would be nice to think that they don't, but I'm not convinced.

I know I can improve my body. I have the power and ability to do that. I can't make it perfect though & I have to be realistic, but that's OK.

I can't really improve my face though. And to that end, I'm considering saving up for cosmetic surgery. That may sound really shallow or totally vain, but I don't really care. My appearance is important to me. I've been looking at old photos of myself and for some reason my face has changed shape. It could be because of dental work in the past, weight gain, or many other factors, but one thing I know, weight loss is not actually going to change much.

I'm lucky in that those years of staying out of the sun, relying on a fake tan, not smoking, not binge drinking and not taking drugs have paid off and as a consequence I have less wrinkles than many girls 5 or so years younger than me. That's a blessing. But as for the rest of my face, I'm not overly happy, though my skin is quite good. That is something I suppose.

So it's time to do some research and save some money to transform myself into something that more closely resembles what I see in the mirror as opposed to what I see in the photographs.

Idiot of the Week Award

2007-02-17T14:02:00.000+10:30

The Idiot of the week award this week goes to a crook.

He was being chased through back yards and decided he might be a bit too obvious in his red top. It's common for crooks to change clothes mid-chase, either by removing a top or adding one. Sensible really isn't it?

This crook however obviously wasn't thinking clearly for he changed into what the arresting officer described as a "Red Titty Top"!!!!

Obviously he was arrested and embarrassed by his stupidity at changing a red top for another red top and the fact that he had nothing to fill the cleavage.

Ahhh...these are the things I missed while I was doing another job for 3 months. :-)

There's a Mouse in the House

2007-02-17T13:47:00.000+10:30

Well, there used to be a mouse in the house. In fact there were about 68 of them. No, not real ones, ornamental ones like this

You see, I used to collect them. It started in my childhood. My favourite soft toy wasn't a bear or rabbit, it was a mouse. She was grey with big ears, a red & white spotted dress, white apron and white bonnet. I loved her. I still have her somewhere, though she's a bit bedraggled now.

Then my Godmother gave me an ornamental mouse for my birthday. After that, I bought a set of 3 mice carved out of wood from a little shop in Maldon Victoria. My collection was born. They're all in storage, so I can't show you pics unfortunately. Over the years, various people bought me mice and i added to my collection myself. I generally stuck to the cute and tasteful variety. Gradually as I got older, I removed some from display and gave some to my Niece. I ended up displaying only a few special ones. The solid silver and solid pewter ones Mum and Dad brought back from Italy. The Swarovski Crystal one my Brother bought me. a couple of other pewter ones brough back from Singapore by friends. Generally those that were a little fancier than the rest, They fit in a little glass cabinet I had.

I've always been a bit of a collector. From mice I moved on to White jugs, which are now perched on the top of the kitchen cupboards, and small, old/antique jewellery and trinket boxes.

I also started collecting white china with pink & green patterns for a plate rack I intended to make, but i moved & changed style so that collection was abandoned (although i still have it)

I'm trying to now decide what to collect next. Perhaps Pop-up Childrens books? I love good childrens books and have always been taken by the pop-ups. I loved my Alladin pop-up book as a kid.

What do you collect?

Knit One, Purl One - More Jet Tales

2007-02-12T10:53:00.000+10:30

Jet just LOVED Knitting. Other people that is. My Sister in Law is an avid knitter and once owned a wool shop supplying Adelaide with imported wools. She was often knitting items for her shop & used to bring her knitting whenever she visited.

She always had to bring a spare needle otherwise she couldn't get any knitting done as Jet would be all over her like ants at a picnic trying to flog the needles. To give Trish a bit of a break from Jet we decided to throw the metal knitting needle down the other end of the room so he'd chase after it and leave her alone. He did. What we didn't expect was his next move. He picked up the needle in his mouth & brought it back, just like a dog with a stick. We considered re-naming him Fido. You've not seen anything until you've seen a Cat carrying a knitting needle in it's mouth (except perhaps a tennis ball in the mouth of a kitten - Merlin's old trick).

The knitting needle game continued for years, but when we moved from our flat with brick walls to our house with plasterboard walls, we had to change to plastic needles as the metal ones kept spearing holes in the walls. The plastic ones weren't as much fun though, but Jet continued this game for years....until he got too old, fat and lazy to be bothered.

Jet Tales

2007-02-10T17:40:00.000+10:30

A few posts ago I told you a bit about the cats I've lived with. Jet was something quite special. One of those 'One in a Million' cats. He lived until he was almost 18, hence there's alot of stories to tell.

As you can see, he was black (I know, the flash makes him look brown). What you may not be able to tell from the pic is that he was also HUGE. Not in a big, fat cat way (though me met that criteria at one stage too), but he was long, and tall. He was so long, he almost needed another set of legs halfway down his body. He had a fair smattering of Burmese in him, but was certainly nowhere near purebred.

We trooped off to the animal welfare league with the intention of coming home with a black male shorthaired kitten, which was to be called 'Jet'. Were were lucky in that they had a few that met the criteria, but Jet was the only one who showed us any interest. He was about 6 weeks old & adorable. Why did we want a black cat? apart from the fact that black cats are gorgeous, it was more for practical considerations. We had black furniture and I wore a lot of black. Having had light coloured cats previously, I wanted to avoid the look of cat fur on everything. It was only a problem when I wore white. unfortunately i don't have any pics of him as a kitten. :-(

Jet as a kitten was typical. Into everything, trying out his needle sharp teeth on everything and everyone and generally getting into mischief. I'm not sure how we trained him, but never in his life did he claw at screen doors. He used to lay across the back of your neck like a fur stole while you were sitting at the table eating breakfast...which led to one of his odd habits. He LOVED drinking the left over milk out of the cereal bowls. It was the sweetness of the sugar probably. He particularly liked Crunchy Nut Cornflakes and Nutrigrain. He did this until his passing.

As he grew he'd get more mischevious. We were only in a small 1 bedroom unit which had awful carpet & scrim curtains - the old 70's style with the big holes in the pattern. Jet had been playing in the windowsill one day and accidentally snagged his claw on the curtain, ripping it slightly. However it was only small & easy to mend. A blind man would have been glad to see the repair. That's if I got around to repairing it BEFORE jet shoved his head & leg through the hole before proceeding to fall off the windowsill onto the floor. Yep, he tore the whole bottom section off the curtain, which was now beyond repair.

He was also very playful. The unit was long, with the bedroom at the end of the lounge room. But the light switch for the lounge was at the opposite end of the lounge. So when retiring to bed, You'd have to walk through the lounge in the dark to get to the bedroom. Every night, Jet chose this time to hide behind furniture & jump out and ambush you! He'd take a flyinging leap at you from out of the darkness & would invariably scare the crap out of you. You see, he's always vary his vantage point, so you'd never really know where he was going to come from. After that, he'd hop on the bed with you & cuddle, for ages. he was very affectionate.

Once I'd dropped off to sleep though, he would climb up onto my pillow and lay down in one of two ways. Wither he would drape his front & back legs either side of my head - so I was wearing him like a hat, or he would get his back legs on top of my head, and gently push my head off the pillow until it was clean off onto the bed. This was fairly easy too as I used satin pillowcases (better for your hair). many a morning I woke up with a crook neck.

He was intelligent too. In fact we trained him. He was very spoilt, in that he used to have a veritable smorgasboard of dishes. One for dry food, one for wet, one for treats (usually chicken that he could smell at 100 paces, or cheese - grated of course), one for water and one for milk. We would always put his dishes down in the same order, so he was then able to tell us what he felt like to eat or drink. Easy.

Well, that's enough for one session....more later......

Do Burglars Read Blogs?

2007-01-30T09:15:00.000+10:30

I hope not!

One of my pet peeves is crooks stealing jewellery. Usually items of sentimental value. Grandma's engagement ring or locket. Go ahead, steal all the DVD players and Playstations you want, but don't take the sentimental stuff. It can't be replaced.

So, where do we normally put these items? Dressing table? Bedside table? Breakfast bar in the kitchen? Yep, I'm just as guilty. But the crooks, even the dumbest of them, generally don't have too look too far to find our stash of precious and sentimental items.

Where are good places to hide them?

Well, for your not-often-worn items, try a box of laundry powder. Empty the contents, place the items in a resealable bag, pop it in the bottom & put the powder over the top - complete with scoop. Put it in the laundry cupboard. Likewise with a box of cereal.

Don't put them in an empty sugar canister in the kitchen, or in the fridge or freezer. Crooks always look there - usually for money.

For more regularly worn items, pop them in an empty toothpaste box & pop it in the bathroom cupboard. You're in there every day & it's not too hard to get into the habit of taking jewellery off & on in the bathroom.

There are many other places you can hide stuff - you just have to be a bit clever.

As for regular security stuff:
- DO record model & serial numbers - especially for items in the shed
- DO have items engraved or use a black light pen
- If you are a victim of a burglary, DO check out the second hand dealers & ASK about specific items. Crooks pawn rather than sell items because it keeps them out of sight out the back for a month. Also check stores far & wide. Crooks travel far theses days.
- If you have lost jewellery, particularly estate type jewellery, DO check out the estate jewellers. There are a number in Adelaide who are less than scrupulous. Unfortunately the worst of them melt the stuff down. Contact me if you want to know where to start looking......
- If you lose a Plasma TV, forget it - you'll never see it again. Not every crook has one as yet....

In short, let's not make it easy for them eh?

Cats

2007-01-25T14:45:00.000+10:30

All of my life I've lived in the company of cats and can't imagine ever living without one! One of the things I've discovered is that all cats are not created equal, however all have left an impression on me in one way or another. Usually it has only been the one cat in the house, but there was a time when I had three. As I was single at the time, I was then known as the crazy cat girl.

Here is a bit about each of my cats, as I remember them.

Sandy arrived well before I did and I don't have strong memories of him except that he was a HUGE ginger puss that if it weren't for his colouring, could be mistaken for a wombat. He used to sleep in the bottom of the linen cupboard.

Then there was Pebbles, a gorgeous and pretty little tortie girl. She was delivered in a basket on the front of a bicycle. To me, she was 'my' cat. After all, I spent the most time with her, as my Brother & Sister were off doing other things, being older than me. Pebbles was my companion. She'd walk out to the front gate with me in the morning and be there to greet me when I came home from school. We used to have little tea parties out the back with pieces of fritz and cheese. I made a bed for her once (like a human bed)and she stayed in it for about 10 minutes. I used to dress her in dolls clothes. God, she must have hated me at times!. She would always sleep on my bed, competing with all my soft toys. She was a gentle, loving and affectionate puss and it was difficult getting up the courage to have her put to sleep when she got very sick when she was 13. The whole family cried for two weeks. We vowed not to get another cat for a while.

So much for that. Within a month we had 2 kittens. Brothers. Totally different from each other. One was Marco, a grey short haired tabby. He was affectionate and friendly but fairly 'normal' and to that end I can't recall any odd little ways he had, except that he used to catch a lot of honeyeaters, much to Dad's consternation. His brother, Polo was a complete contrast being a long haired coffee coloured cat. He had a lot of female cat characteristics and was not well...um...developed. To the point that the vet was unsure which operation to perform when they went to be desexed. He was a magnificent looking cat and had a beautiful nature. Unfortunately Marco was killed in a car Accident a year after we got him :-(

Then came Toby. He arrived in a box and had been taken from his Mother (by someone else) at about 3 or 4 weeks of age. Far too young. His first week or so revolved around the inside of a big box. We fed him with an eyedropper until he was old enough to eat on his own. Toby grew into a tall, long black cat with a patch of white on him. He had a lovely temperament and Polo took him under his wing after the passing of Marco. The two regularly slept together. Unfortunately, Toby met the same fate as Marco, at about 1 year of age.

Then, briefly, we had Capone. He was a very little brown and black tabby that turned up on the doorstep and stayed. He was in very poor condition and was emaciated and had several injuries - skin ripped off, torn ears and the like. And he stank! We bathed him regularly, but he always seemed to smell 'off'. He wasn't a very bright cat, and followed in the footsteps of Marco & Toby being killed by a car some months later.

Once again, Polo was on his own. That was until my ex found a female ginger cat & dumped it with us. Sandy was very pretty, but totally stupid and a complete bitch. Not long after that, in fact a week before I got married, Polo vanished without a trace. We think he was stolen. He was a magnificent looking cat and a few days before he went missing he was being admired by a council guy laying the footpaths. The job finished at the same time Polo went missing. Coincidence? I think not.

So Mum & Dad had Sandy to keep them company while I had a cat free year in my 1st year of marriage. It was horrible & I'd befriend every cat I saw. My sister then rescued a female tabby & white kitten. Like Capone, it was worse for wear and Sue took it to the vet where it had an abortion and a hip removed. Her cats didn't like her, so Tibby ended up at Mum & Dads. Bad move. Neither Sandy or Tibby were particularly nice cats. There wasn't much endearing about them at all. To top it off - they HATED each other! This lead to all sorts of problems including the male behaviour of spraying on things in the house and out! One day Dad was out watering the lawn & Tibby sprayed on his leg!. Unfortunately, although they lived on the same busy road as Marco, Toby and Capone, neither of them got run over, despite Sandy's habit of sleeping on the road. They both eventually got very sick and were put to sleep. Mum & Dad were relieved.

After a year without a cat I was going mad. So, despite not being allowed to have a cat in our unit, we trooped off to the AWL to find Jet - a little black boy cat. That's right, I had his name and specifications all picked out before we went. Just as well they had a few black boys to choose from. Jet was the most active & alert, so off home he came. Without fail, Jet was the most magnificent & special cat I have had to date and I could do an entire blog entry on him alone. He was very affectionate with a beautiful personality. The type of Cat everyone wanted to come visit & take home with them. He was HUGE. Not so much fat (though he did get porky there for a while) he was tall and long. We always suspected he had a smattering of Burmese in him as he had a lot of their characteristics. I lost custody of Jet when I left my ex-husband.

Out on my own, I quickly found a pair of brothers, Merlin & Mandrake. Many of you will be familiar with Merlin as he is our current cat. Merlin & Mandrake, though brothers, like Marco & Polo, were as different in personality as chalk and cheese. However in appearance, they were similar, on grey, on black, but with matching white patched on their chest, and on their tummy's between their legs. Merlin was a nervous nellie (& still is) and spent the first few days hissing at me. Mandrake on the other hand was all over me like ants at a picnic. He was into EVERYTHING! Always getting into mischief, getting stuck on top of the wardrobe, between the couch cover and the couch, up trees in yards with Rottweilers, you name it, he's have a go. He used to steal my underwear when I'd have a shower & hid it around the house. He'd climb my leg when I was in the kitchen (lacerations aplenty). Merlin eventually calmed down enough to be an affectionate cat. He used to catch rats and mice - and bring them inside. He'd carry tennis balls in his mouth - when he was still a catten (not quite a kitten, but not quite a cat yet), he'd bring in pieces of wood & bark from the garden and leave a pile of kindling on the family room floor. I was beginning to think he was really a dog. He and Mandrake loved each other. For a while there I also had Jet back with me as my ex had been evicted. Mexican stand offs all 'round and competition for my attention. (she's MY Mum, but she was MY Mum first!) You can imagine! Jet went again & things were back to normal until they were about a year old. That's when Mandrake went missing without a trace. Everyone was very upset. I tried everything to find him, to no avail. I can only hope that he was adopted by another family and not killed. From that point on, Merlin's personality changed. He became nervous again and began insisting to be let out at between 3 & 4 each night. Something he still does. I often wonder if this had something to do with the disappearance of Mandrake. I'll never know. A few months later, I ended up with Jet again following my ex's 3rd eviction. This time I decided to keep him.

Merlin & Jet tolerated each other, but there were no fights so all was well. Intill I moved in with my now husband. There was not enough room for both of them and jet was 16 years old by this stage and his health was failing. Jet eventually ended up with Mum & Dad, who had always loved him & were happy to have him. He lived until he was 17 and a half.

Now we are left with Merlin. I love him to death even though he is one of the most stupid cats I've known. He's a character, that's for sure.

However, I'm thinking I want another little black boy kitten called Raven........

Waiting For The Day...

2007-01-24T10:32:00.000+10:30

I'm wondering if I'll ever get to the point where I no longer have bad dreams & feel unsettled following a sighting of my ex-husband (against whom I have a restraining order). Saw him on monday night after a long period of not seing him at all and hoping/praying that that meant he was no longer living in the same area. Wrong! The dreams aren't nightmares, just leave me feeling stressed & pissed off - much like i felt when we were together really. This weeks bad dream consisted of me starting a new job (currently on the cards) only to discover that my ex worked at the same place. Wouldn't that be dandy? What to do? leave? wait for him to get sacked, which invariably happens? Dunno. It was only a dream. This cycle really pisses me off & I really didn't have any idea just how badly he affected me, and continues to affect me. You'd think I was a victim of long-term physical violence. I wasn't, but it feels like it. I just don't want to deal with his bullshit any more & i wait with baited breath after each sighting expecting him to resume stalking me, in one way or another. He probably won't. He's seen my better half, and must know he'd come off second- best. But he's more subversive than that...and that's the problem. I think he realises, after two attempts, that putting in unfounded Police Complaints about me, is not likely to result in me getting sacked.

I just wish he'd drop off the face of the planet.

Stairs

2007-01-23T18:20:00.000+10:30

Why is it that when I take the stairs at work, I can feel it in my legs - I can feel it doing some good, but when I climb the stairs at home, I feel nothing. Does this mean I can only get fitter at work?

Vale Peter Hibbard

2007-01-20T11:49:00.000+10:30

The world lost anothe wonderful person recently. A colleague of mine, Peter Hibbard. He was a natural leader and was great to work with and for. The type of guy you would have walked over hot coals for. We worked on catching Bikies. It was a fun time. Even the bikies respected him. He was successful, reaching the rank of Superintendent at a relatively young age. As well as being highly committed to his job, and the people he worked with, he was also a loving husband and a wonderful father to his two daughters ages 14 and 17. Last Thursday week, he took his own life. He was 46.

I, along with approximately 350 others, attended his funeral on Thursday. It was very emotional as Peter had touched everone there, in some way or another. The resounding message in the service is that the Police need to ensure that it looks after it's staff as they are under an enormous amount of stress and pressure - more than most professions. The other unanimous feeling amongst those who knew him was that Peter always made time for you - whoever you were - colleague, family or friend. And upon the Pastor making this statement, I thought 'He never made time for himself'. I may be wrong, but I don't think so, and I believe it contributed to the situation that he found himself in where he thought suicide was the best option.

Many people do not understand suicide, and never will, unless or until they find themselves in that dark place where you consider it a realistic option. I've been close to the same point Peter was at, so I have some understanding of what may have been going through his head. I have no doubt that he felt like a failure. He had been successful for so long, from when he was a child, that when he could no longer do it all, because of his illness, he considered himself of no further use to anyone. There was probaby alot more to it. There always is and nobody will ever really know what was going through Peter's mind. I know when I was at my worst it was the physical pain as much as anything that I found difficult to live with. It wore me down mentally as well as physically. I sought help and quickly recovered. I don't know if Peter sough help. I am aware that he had been on leave, but I don't know if he was receiving medical attention. I suspect not. And society, and the Police culture have something to do with ones reluctance to seek treatment, because people experiencing anxiety, depression and other stress disorders, are seen as weak, unreliable and unpredictable. I've recently felt the full brunt of this myself at work and as a result I no longer have any future in the organisation - all based on the ignorant opinion of one person.

The loss of Peter is significant and it is a terrible waste. I know that sounds awfully cliche, but I've been thinking about Peter every day since I heard the terrible news, and haven't slept well since the funeral.

My thoughts are with his family.

I Want, I Want, I Want....

2007-01-17T19:21:00.000+10:30

A little red jacket.

Do you think I can find a little red jacket, tapered to the waist, short sleeves, in my size? Noooooooooooooo. Tried one on today & it would have been perfect - if it was bigger. It was a Large. It was smaller that items I still have from when I was a size 12. What hope have I got??? Yes, I know Target have little red jackets, but they are the wrong style and look silly on anyone bigger than a size 10. Yes, I'm aiming to lose weight, and I have started to - though you can't notice yet. But being perfectly honest, I will probably not get to a 12. I'm aiming for a 14. However, due to my build (large round ribcage) I'm always a size bigger on top, which means that even when I get back to a 14, I STILL won't be able to get anything to fit! Yes, I could try for a 12, but to be honest, I'll lose my tits and, well, I've grown rather fond of them. :-)
So, if any of you have seen any little red jackets that aren't made for fairies, please drop me a line.....

Oh, an when I find the little red jacket, I want a pair of red shoes to go with it:-)

Addiction

2007-01-13T10:05:00.000+10:30

Does anybody take up chewing Nicorette Gum rather than taking up smoking?

Blind leading the Blind

2007-01-09T15:01:00.000+10:30

I had an encounter with a guide dog today. We were walking toward each other & I was wondering which way he was going to lead his/her master. I discovered that guide dogs don't always lead their masters around obstacles - they STARE THEM DOWN UNTIL THEY MOVE!!!!

Lefty

2007-01-08T20:38:00.000+10:30

During my time working for the Police, I've noticed something interesting. The proportion of left handed police officers appears to be greater than the 8-15% of the general population. I don't know whether this is purely a South Australian phenomenon. Unfortunately I don't have any statistical evidence, yet. Mainly because doing an organisation wide survey and analysis doesn't really help to catch crooks and is one of those luxury 'what if' questions. I'd love to do a study on it. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the proportion was in the vicinity of 20-30% - at least. As an example, I was in a meeting today with three sworn officers. I was the only right handed person in the room. This is quite common for me. In larger meetings (I'm generally the only civillian) I've noticed the Lefty's make up about a third, if not more, of the people in the room.

Given that the people I end up in meetings with are senior officers (S/Sgt and above) is left-handedness peculiar to those who have the drive and ambition to progress to higher levels within the police force? Or is it just a Police thing?

Has anyone else made any similar observations? Does anyone really care if lots of Police Officers are left handed? Probably not.

So you can now go back to whatever it was you were doing....

One Perfect Day

2007-01-06T15:29:00.000+10:30

Many, many years ago I used to do wedding photography with my now ex-husband. This was a little venture we embarked on so he could recoup the money he 'borrowed' from me to buy himself a flashy new camera etc.... Nothing but the best - Nikon. We plugged away at this for about 5 years, working in partnership. Initially I would act as his assistant and then do all the post production stuff and assembling of albums. Very time consuming work. Also very expensive as we found that we needed two of everything - in case something stuffed up. We never really made any money and we encountered far more 'Bridezilla's' than sweet blushing brides. Our favorite weddings overall were the last two that we did before calling it a day in 1995. That penultimate wedding was wonderful, despite it being a 40 degree day. The couple were 'older' and professionals (he bride a neurosurgeon). They kept it simple - a ceremony and garden party at the Walkerville home of a friend of theirs. A beautiful old house with wide verandas and large gardens. It was stunning. By this stage of the game, I too was taking photographs, my style being more artistic and candid than those of my (ex)Husband. I took quite a few during this wedding - which was shot entirely in black and white. One of my images was entered into that Australian Institute of Professional Photographers (AIPP) Awards. My Ex submitted two images from that wedding - one of which we were never sure which of us shot as it was taken at a time when we were swapping cameras (his a medium format and mine a 35mm). Both that shot and mine won bronze awards. Unfortunately I only have in my possession a couple of images from that wedding as I 'lost custody' of all of the other stuff. Here is the image for which I won the award.

It was a real pleasure shooting that wedding, the couple were lovely and everything was casual and unfussed. Everything ran smoothly as it wasn't choreographed to the enth degree. I always hoped that if I married again, my wedding would be similar - and it was. I'd seen enough weddings to know exactly what I DIDN'T want.

We copped our fair share of crap - like the abusive phonecall from a grooms Mother who complained that there weren't enough photographs of her son. We tried to explain that he REFUSED to be photographed on more than 5 occasions and our hands were really tied as we have to comply with the wishes of the bride & groom, within reason. We suggested she take it up with her son. Then there was the bride who wanted us to make her look like Claudia Schiffer. We tried, but there's only so much you can do. We were photographers, not plastic surgeons. She was a bridezilla. Everything was haphazard and all over the shop. She spent the day screaming at everyone and stressing that things weren't going right. I had to repair her bouquet when that started to fall apart. I carried all sorts of gear, florist wire, florist tape, needles, cotton, safety pins, a battery operated fan, rubber backed fabric for the wedding party to sit on so as not to dirty their outfits - have NEVER known of anyone doing that before. I tried to cover all possibilities - and I had to make use of them regularly. Several girls got dresses from a particular bridal outlet and often the alterations started to fall apart mid-wedding.

And don't even talk to me about grooms and groomsmen! Grrrrrrr............Perhaps another time

Then there was the time we very nearly got completely ripped off. Only an error with our bank saw them honour the cheque we were paid. Nobody else that provided services to this particular wedding, including the Grand Hotel. It was a couple from Queensland. The groom was allegedly a barrister, the brides family, wealthy and from Pasadena. They arranged everything by phone at the last minute and kept stalling payment. We received the cheque the day of the wedding. We had asked for a bank cheque - it wasn't. They had a lovely wedding, gorgeous reception, beautiful dress, great flowers. None of it was paid for I believe. Our cheque bounced, but the bank took too long to bounce it and they had to honour it - so they were out of pocket. Needless to say, they never saw their photos.

It was fun at times, very hectic for the most part, but I got fed up with the Bridezillas and felt I could never meet my own expectations regarding my photography and my ex certainly couldn't and that began to frustrate the hell out of me. I've sometimes thought of doing it again. Perhaps for the Advertiser so you can swoop in & swoop out again without having to deal with all the bullshit.

Bad Hair Day

2007-01-05T09:28:00.000+10:30

I'm having a bad hair day. Tried out a new 'No Frizz' shampoo & conditioner to try & tame my curls. Guess what? My hair is MORE frizzy than it normally is! I just gave up this morning and as a result I look like a fluff ball. A delightful look.

I'm going to have a go straightening it on the weekend in practice or Wednesday. I have a job interview and have always found I'm taken more seriously when I straighten my hair than when I leave it naturally curly.

And they sound like Who?

2007-01-04T16:25:00.001+10:30

I'm talking about Wolfmother. I've come to like their music, which is hardly surprising really.

Before I came to recognise their music, everyone kept telling me I should listen to them, that they were really, really good and sounded a bit like Led Zeppelin. Hmmm.... This I had to hear. I've been listening to Led Zeppelin since I was 8. I grew up on them & their music runs through my blood.

However when I heard 2 or 3 Wolfmother songs it struck me that yes, they did sound familiar, but it wasn't led Zeppelin they sounded like - it was Black Sabbath! Certainly the more sophisticated & somewhat less gothic songs of Sabbath, but Black Sabbath nonetheless. The vocals are far more similar to early Ozzy Osborne than Robert Plant.

Speaking of Sabbath, I've recently rediscovered a Black Sabbath Song I always loved - Planet Caravan. It popped up on a CD we got. I'm going to have to trawl through my collection again & burn off a CD of Sabbath Favs for the car I think.

Anyway, back to Wolfmother. Does anyone else hear the resemblance to Black Sabbath?

Tell Me Why?

2007-01-04T16:19:00.000+10:30

Why are bandages white? There is no way on this earth you can keep a white bandage clean! Bandages should be black. Not only would not clash with you outfit, but they would stay looking clean.

I went to bed with a lovely clean white bandage on my finger last night & when I woke up this morning it was grey. Why? We have black sheets.

Anyway, I have more use of my finger now and it's tingling, itching and stinging, all good signs it's healing. It still hurts though - particularly when a tray of chicken fillets falls on it as happened last night while I was doing the food shopping. I think the checkout chicks at the front of the store heard me yelp!

It's bloody inconvenient though & I'll be glad to get the stitches out. I think.

Misadventures of an Idiot

2006-12-30T15:00:00.000+10:30

I'm a tad incapacitated at the moment. Have a look here to find out why.

I'm currently trying to figure out how to have a romantic interlude in a spa with a plastic bag over my hand!

Arty Farty Christmas

2006-12-29T13:06:00.000+10:30

Once again I was spoilt this year. My true love gave to me, two books. The first is a magnificently huge collection of the entire works of Vincent Van Gogh. I must admit I had really only been exposed to the common works, such as The Chair, The Sunflowers, Starry Night, Irises and his self portraits, of which there are several. The depth of his work is incredible & it's absolutely stunning!

The other book I received was on Artist/Illustrator Aubrey Beardsley. Certainly an artist who is not to everyones taste. Born on the same date as me - August 21st. Significantly influenced by the Pre-Raphaelite and Arts and Crafts movements and showing distinct Art Nouveau style, his work is dramatic and elegant. However, his erotica is quite confronting with works featuring oversized penises and other phallic representations. I'm not sure I'd hang any of those on my wall. I love the line work and the high contrast.

Ahhhhh....Peace......

2006-12-28T11:15:00.000+10:30

I had a wonderful day yesterday. What did I do? Nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch. And that was why it was so great. I got to rattle around in our house, doing whatever I pleased, on my own, for hours on end. I haven't had the house to myself since September. Now, many of you are probably thinking I'm a selfish, unsociable cow. Quite the contrary. However, I've grown up in an environment where since the age of 8, I've at least had 1 hour a day at home alone. I've grown to need it. It does take a bit of getting used to not having it all that often - and circumstances don't really allow for it now without banishing everyone from the house, which I won't do. But I think I'm going to have to orchestrate it a bit more often that once every 4 months because, quite frankly, I think it was sending me stir crazy not having it. I'm much happier today :-) just for having those few hours where the only person to talk to was Merlin - and he didn't say a word for a change.

One Month To Go

2006-12-23T16:38:00.000+10:30

I've only got another month until I end the torture and go gack to my old job.

I'm currently acting in a higher position (though my regular job is much busier, harder and has far more responsibility - go figure) and I'm hating it. I'm having trouble sleeping for thinking about it and every morning I don't want to go to work.

Why is it so bad? Well this is a long story, and I think I've written about it before, so I'll try and give you the readers digest version.

After promising to create higher positions back in 1999, they finally did. This position is one of two that my colleague & best mate suggested they needed all those years ago. But alot has happened since then. Like me getting ill in 2005. Since then, the boss of the area in which this position is located has treated me like a leper - damaged goods. Hence, when I applied for the job - I didn't get it. But then, nobody did. Then they readvertised, and once again, didn't select anyone.

Then this turkey decided he wanted someone from the second round of interviews to act in it for three months. Her area wouldn't release her. They then called for expressions of interest to act in it for three months - and targeted her. She's a lovely girl, don't get me wrong, but has been in the place 2 minutes by comparisson and doesn't have anywhere near the experience to do it - which is why she wasn't selected for the position. But the boss was hell bent on me NOT getting it. Anyway, just for a laugh, after I found out about it on the grapevine, I put in a registration of interest. By this time, the boss turkey was on leave. They selected the other girl & myself to act in the position for three months each - me to go second. The remainder of the interview panel, I have since found out, always thought I should have got the job. Anyway, the other girl told them to shove it - if they wanted her, they should have given her the job. & I quite agree.

So anyway, there i am, working for a boss that doesn't want me there, who makes it very obvious and who is overloading me with work so that I have a better chance of failing and who tells me everything I'm doing is wrong. This is the same guy that gave me glowing references a few years ago. The problem is all in his head. His ignorant little pea brain. I would not apply for it again if you paid me to, some things just aren't worth the money & he can go fuck himself. I have no respect for the man any more, after hearing him regularly humiliate & criticise another in my field who has recently gone through a 'difficult time'. I can only imagine what he's said about me.... the ironic thing is that he thinks I'm somehow defective now that I am on anti-depressant medication. I look at as being no different to having diabetes or having high blood pressure. In my case, it's a genetic thing. & the ironic thing is that I was taking the same medication when I joined the organisation. So I'm the same person, with the same condition i had back in 1999 - except that he wasn't aware of it.

His ignorance, attitude and discrimination have cost me any kind of future in the organisation. Yep, thanks for that, you prick. Perhaps Karma will prevail. The position is being filled by a re-deployee who knows nothing about the job, the organisation, the systems, or anything else. She's going to find it tough - even if she is half decent - and he will tell us she is, just to save face. Personally, I hope that it all falls in a heap. I know that's really petty, but the bastard really does deserve it. He certainly doesn't deserve to have me.

Vis-a-Viz

2006-12-22T19:48:00.000+10:30

Ahhhhh...Viz. The Magazine that is. My other half reads it and I look forward to each and every issue. Why? because I just LOVE hearing him laugh! It's bloody hilarious stuff, but I get more of a kick listening to him laugh, sometimes a chuckle, or a snigger, right though to a huge raucous belly laugh, than I do reading the magazine itself. Hearing him laugh is music to my ears, it's just magic and I fall in love with him even more with each issue :-)

Miscellaneous Drivel

2006-12-17T21:52:00.000+10:30

I've got the cluster map thing going now, and contrary to popular opinion (mine) people ARE actually looking at this blog. Well, bugger me! I suppose then I should keep up my end of the bargain and write in it, and regularly.

I've been going through a 'phase' in the last week. A FAT phase. I know I have put on quite a bit of weight in the last 18 months, much of it being as a result of a side effect to medication I take. A voracious appetite and a body that has no idea when it's full & if it thinks it's full, somehow sends the message that 'I'm hungry' instead!. Everything was getting just a tad too tight & I've given away more clothes than I now wear. When did it finally hit me that I had to do something about this? When I decided to go for a walk & caught my reflection in a shop window. I didn't recognise myself. I was horrified. I couldn't understand how it had happened without really noticing. Talk about looking at things with rose coloured glasses. I think it was more like a blindfold!.

Anyway, I'm now walking (& avoiding shop windows), doing other exercises (like mini step classes on our staircase) and grabbed some fluid tablets off my Mum. After 2 days of taking them, I feel much less bloated & can get my wedding ring back on. Fluid retention is my enemy. I have suffered from it for years. Bad Kidneys - my own fault. I have never drunk enough water - or gone to the loo regularly enough - something my Mum used to nag me about constantly. Now, too late, I know why. The other problem with the shot kidneys is that they allow too much protein to filter through - so I virtually have to OD on protein to maintain a good weight. I plan to be at least a size smaller in 4 weeks time. I think that's a reasonable timetable, don't you?

And this also leads to another dilemma. My personal style. I need a re-vamp. I think? Maybe? I'm terrified of having to dress like my Mum, or even my Sister (who is 9 years older than me), but I don't want to dress too 'young' and look like a complete goose. I'm still drawn to Black - moreso than ever before really. I can't quite bring myself to wear white - even though I used to wear quite a lot of it. Frightened the hell out of my other half once by turning up in a white linen outfit with my hair straightened. I thought he was going to disown me completely! Ok, so black it is then. I still want to maintain that 'Sense of Gothness', subtle & not cliche. I'm not into lace, crushed velvet or medieval dress masquerading as a 'gothic' look. Nor do I like Industrial Goth, though I wouldn't mind a bondage skirt - but fairly plain - no studs or chains. Punk goth is totally out of the question for obvous reasons. So, I need to re-define my 'look'. Any suggestions will be greatfully received. I'd even consider making my own, now that I've proven to myself that I can do it. (if you can make a top with boning in it, you can make anything!)

OK, onto a totally different topic. Songs. Particularly songs that choose you. That make your scalp tingle or the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. The ones that make you feel like you're having a mini orgasm every time you hear them - regardless of where you are & what you are doing. I have a few of these, and some aren't particularly that good - but like I said, they choose you - not the other way around. My current favourite in this selection is one that never fails to move me - wherever, whenever (no, I'm not talking about Shakira!), is Miss Sarajevo by U2. It sends me to another plane whenever I hear it. Bono sang it at the concert, and did a magnificent job of the opera portion, so much so, that it brought tears to my eyes. It was beautiful.

So, which song does it for you?

Lost in Translation

2006-11-02T11:26:00.000+10:30

I don't claim to be the best speller of all time, but I'm not bad - generally. But I look at the younger generations with complete dismay. Correct Spelling has gone the way of the Dodo. What's worse, is that they are now creating new words. The one creeping into my consciousness recently is thanks to plastic pop artists, Pussycat Dolls, is 'witchu'. It has nothing to do with Witches, nothing at all. This is the new term for 'with you'. So, now, instead of asking 'what's with you?' may now get 'what's witchu' . This will probably soon transform into 'wotz witchu'. What the??????

I've noticed the deteriation in spelling since working here & over the years have compiled a Dictionary of misspelled words. Some are quite hilarious, but it does make things hard when you are trying to search for keywords. I now have a list four pages long. Some of the more interesting are:

* the door that was left Adjarred.
* the crook that was being Advasive
* The offender whose nationality was Arakian
* The damage caused to the Bitch Human and for those that are stumped by this one - they meant Bitumen
* Cannabis Storks were seized.
* something was covered in Cobb Webbs
* The house was located in a Coulder sack
* The offender Decampted
* The person hadn't received their Doll Check
* The group of Indingious people
* the victim had a Intelectuable dissability
* the male was making offensive Jesters
* The female received a blow to the Kneck
* Entry was gained by removing Luvars from the window
* The male was a member of the Phynx Motor Cycle Group.
* A large quantity of child Ponnognnpily was located on his hard drive.
* Items had been Porned at Cash Converters
* Offences occurred predomonalty at night
* the offender was Robboning (I STILL have no idea what this means)
* Stolen were medications containing Sudo Effrogen
* the male was wearing a Trick Suite
* the informant wished to remain Unnamous
* The offender works at a market garden in Vaginia
* personal images had been loaded onto a Webb Sight
* Fire appeared to be distinguished (tophat and tails perhaps?)

How Cool is This?

2006-10-27T11:00:00.000+09:30

Now that I've figured out how to upload images to this thing, I'm going to load all sorts of things.

Although, unlike my other half, I have never written a book, I have appeared on the cover of one.

Back in 2003 when I was doing some reasearch, I came across a website that offered all sorts of things. They also encouraged people to submit sexy photographs of themselves. I'd had an Ex-B/F take some photo's of me early in 2003 and some of them actually turned out really well. So, I submitted my favoutrite. It was uploaded to the site & I thought that would be that.

A few days later I got an email from the site owner who asked if I minded if he used my pic for the cover of his new book - a compilation of erotic poetry. Mind? Hell no! He explained that the book was at the printers & he wanted to add my pic at the 11th hour, so to speak. I was thrilled! At this stage I was galloping into my late 30's & it was a HUGE ego boost. I even have my name on the back cover, however they spelt it wrong. Bugger.

Anyway, here it is!

You can buy the book by following this link

Creative Pursuits

2006-10-22T13:35:00.000+09:30

These are a few of my favorite things, not least of which because I made them :-)

As you will see, Decoupage has been a hobby of mine for some time. I have made several pieces, many of which won't be pictured here, because I made them for my Sister-in-Law (who has now separated from my Brother)

I often create 'themed items'. The first being a mirror frame. Constructed of a wide decoupaged border with inner and outer gilded mouldings. The mirror itself is purely decorative. It's so small you can't see anything in it. The decoupage comprises pictures of well....pictures. Paintings to be more accurate. Painstakingly cut from many catalogues and magazines that I used to collect. Note the words 'used to'. Upon moving a couple of times and moving storage units I discarded approximately 9 boxes of magazines and catalogues. I still miss them sometimes. My other half rolls his eyes whenever I buy a magazine in the fear that he will become over-run by them & there'll be nowhere left to sit. Anyway, back to the mirror. I originally made a pair, but stupidly gave the other one to my ex-husband. What a goose!

Next is a similar item, comprising pictures of Snoopy, that I made for my other half a few years ago as a Christmas Present

Another Decoupaged item. This time a decoupaged female form. The pictures used are of gold jewellery with Diamonds, rubies, pearls and amethysts. The picture cutting for this one took ages as they were so small and fiddly. Turned out well though I thought.

This one is a fairly recent creation. A Clock clock. A large clock decoupaged with pictures of clocks. This is one of my favourites and had been on the drawing board for 7 years folllowing the creation of the next item, A clock briefcase.

I made this in 1999 and have used it every week day since. It's a bit battered now, but has held up well considering the amount of use it has had. I had so many pictures of clocks left over, that I came up with the idea of making a clock clock. That's part of my problem. I am a collector by nature and don't know when to stop. I STILL find myself cutting out pictures of clocks!

This next one is not decoupage - just a little paint job on a box I bought at a market. It would make a great little goth handbag. If anyone want's this, let me know.

This last item is also a paint/restoration job. When my other half acquired this, I thought he had taken leave of his senses. Not only was it totally kitsch, but it was very worse for wear with numerous chips and flaking paint and a god-awful beige shade. Poor Harpo only had half a nose and some of both Harpo's and Chico's hats were missing. I immediately offered to restore it, needing a bit of a challenge at the time. I was met with doubtful looks, but didn't let that deter me. My other half was very impressed with the job I'd done (& so was I). Funnily enough, this is now one of my favourite things. A couple of years ago, we found another which had had a really bad repaint job done on it & I completely repainted it to match the one we already had. That was a much loved Christmas present for my M-I-L.

I've also Decoupaged a couple of trays, but they are in Storage. I also made a Butlers Tray table out of timber - without a pattern. Stay tuned for a picture of that. Other items I have decouplaged - boxes, Tassels (the wooden bit - in small pictures of blue & white china - but made the entire tassel myself), trays, frames, Hat boxes, Jewellery.......

I have an old Bentwood chair in storage and am thinking that might get a comic themed decoupage job and it can live in the study.

So, if you have any ideas, or have anything you want made, let me know.

The Scapegoat

2006-10-20T10:36:00.000+09:30

This painting is called The Scapegoat. It is an Oil on canvas and was painted in 1854 by William Holman Hunt, an artist more commonly associated with the Pre-Raphaelite movement.

This painting is our official 'Mascot' in our office. I work in Police Intelligence, and as most would probably be aware, Intelligence Units are blamed for absolutely everything, everywhere! Remember 911? That was blamed on the Intelligence, or lack thereof. Personally, from my experience, it's usually not the lack of Intelligence holdings, but the lack of anyone to take you seriously enough to take action with respect to it.

Example: We had been advising our Drug Unit of a prolific drug dealer in various reports during the last few years. Nobody was interested. Wouldn't even go have a look. A member of CIB get's a 'hot tip' and off they go, warrants in hand, and seize shitloads of drugs and cash. It makes the papers and there was much chest-beating. .....And we were left to simply say 'we told you so'. But how many lives did this guy ruin in the last few years with all the drugs when nothing was being done???? I hate to think.

Anyway, the painting is always handy to have on hand when you're being told it's all you're fault (and it's not)

WHACK! A slap to the Head

2006-10-18T16:54:00.000+09:30

I've decided to get in early on a few New Years Resolutions. I usually don't make them, because I never stick to them. I usually pick things like losing weight or going to gym. Let's face it, it's not gonna happen.

The reason for this sudden enthusiasm? My One & Only sat me down the other day and told me I frustrated him. He went on to explain why. It was so succinct, that I couldn't help but take it as a wake-up call. This is an approximation of what he said.....
"You're a good photographer and have won awards for it - but you don't take photographs...
You have great drawing ability - but you don't draw...
You are a good writer - but you don't write....
You've made furniture - but you don't do that....
You are very creative - but you rarely make anything...
You are capable of doing anything you put your mind to - but you don't"

There was probably more, but you get the general idea. He's right of course. He has this uncanny knack of being right a lot actually... I have wasted too many years being so afraid of not being good enough (at my job, as a wife, as a girlfriend, in bed, as a photographer, as a writer, as an artist, as the one that came before me, the next person etc...) Fear of failure has paralysed me. Disbelief that I CAN do all these things, has paralysed me. It's time all of that stopped. We only get one shot at this, and I owe it to myself and others, to make the best of it, rather than just survive it.

One of my first projects is to start working on a book about wrought iron in cemeteries. Have you ever noticed it? The organic forms of rusted old metal enclosing the graves of the long departed? I find it very beautiful. Hopefully others will also. Should be a hit with the Gothic market at least.

I'm also going to start drawing and/or painting. Drawings are likely to be still life or people. Paintings are likely to be abstracts or modern art.

I'm also goint to post on here, pictures of some of the items I have made. If anyone wants to commission me to make something - unique and especially for them - then I'm more than happy to do so. Use your imagination - ask me anything and it probably can be done.

I'm going to write on here more - even if it bores you all to tears. Just what I'll write about, I don't know. Sex maybe?

I might even finally create an E-Book of all the very useful sexual tips & tricks I amassed when did some research upon leaving my Husband. (well, I wanted to see what the current state of play was & I planned to re-invent myself - and yes, I succeeded at that). Would people pay money for it?

I might even lose weight & go to the gym.

You just never know *wink*

Birds of a Feather

2006-10-09T11:07:00.000+09:30

For some reason, the staff carpark appeals to birds. Each year, a pair of ducks migrate up to the carpark, from the Torrens, seemingly to nest. just what the facination is I'll never know. But wach year, they return. Personally I love ducks and would have on as a pet if they didn't shit everywhere.

The carpark, specifically the third row, is also home to a pair of wood doves. they have been there for years. Each afternoon when I leave I see them sitting together just underneath a car, but still where they can catch the sun. They are always together. That was until a few weeks ago. Now there is only the one, and s/he looks incredibly sad and lonely. I'm hoping that it's mate is nesting in the nearby trees and hasn't met with foul play.

I'll keep you posted.

And the Bride Wore Black........

2006-09-22T10:44:00.000+09:30

It was a perfect day.

It may have been freezing cold and gloomy, but it was still perfect. Somehow, it all seemed appropriate. However, the sun began shining just as we entered the clearing. Such perfection cannot be coreographed. It was very emotional for both of us.

We were both dressed in black. My Other Half in a full length black nehru suit and me in a combination of black velvet, black brocade and Jet beads. It had a slightly edwardian feel but certainly captured the 'Sense of Gothness' that we have. That is, we looked gothic without fitting a stereotype or looking like we were in fancy dress costume - something that I found difficult to avoid. Everything available is either medieval, witchy with pointy sleeves & cobwebs or just plain 'slutty'. I may not have been entirely happy with my outfit, but we both looked good (even if I do say so myself - *wink*). .....and if you look carefully, I managed to get the upper layer of my skirt to match the length of my Hubby's jacket! Clever huh?

I made the top & the little bag myself. This was out of neccessity. I originally planned to get a fully boned corset, but couldn't find one that wasn't a few hundred dollars. On our last trip to Melbourne, I trawled all of the Goth Shops to see what I could find. I attempted to try on a fully boned corset that didn't fasten at the front. Now I know why most of them fasten at the front! It was a bloody nightmare. took 20 minutes to try & get into it & pulled a shoulder muscle in the process! Once on, it felt like a suit of armour. I thought 'F%$@ this for a game of soldiers' I'm not wearing something quite so uncomfortable that costs enough to feed a small country for a month. I then set out to make my own pseudo corset. Pseudo in that it only had a few light bones and was not tight lacing. I swear I will NEVER make anything with bones in it ever again!! All turned out well in the end. Though it was a close finish with me still sewing the beading on the skirt, ribbons and jacket the night before.

The little bag was a lifesaver. I was amazed what I fit in it - tissues, for when Danny made me cry, nasal spray, throat spray, throat losenges, Nurofen Plus, lipstick, face powder, perfume and a credit card. I was actually quite sick, having contracted a serious throat virus on the Wednesday before. For three days I couldn't eat, drink, swallow or talk (due to the throat losenges making my tongue swell up) Ugh!!!

Anyway, enough of the crap for now. here are some of my favourite pics

Hello? Is there anybody there?

2006-06-08T13:28:00.000+09:30

Email is a wonderful thing, isn't it? So efficient & time-saving and a complete god-send if you work in a job where you can't make endless personal phone calls arranging all the requirements for an impending wedding. Well, it sounds good in theory, but it doesn't actually work that way. I've sent off countless emails to venues, menswear stores, Jewwellers, stationers etc... and have only received replies from about a third of them. I don't know if the email addresses were no longer valid, hence never reached them, or whether they never even bother to look, or if they do, reply. A couple who did reply, have given up on replying to subsequent emails seeking further details or clarification. It's so bloody frustrating! Hence it's no surprise that we will probably be sourcing several items from overseas, because they DO respond to emails and are only too glad to be of assistance. It also means I'm going to have to take some days off to make all of the endless phone calls & do the running around I was trying to avoid.

What is wrong with Australia? Do we have no concept of customer service? Do they even care??

They Call Me Florence....

2006-04-05T11:13:00.000+09:30

Nightingale that is.

The last few days I've been playing nurse to my very sick patient. Actually, I'm totally amazed. It's usually me that's at deaths door. Ever since a bout of Viral Meningitis followed by Chronic Fatigue back in 1991, my immune system has been shot to bits. This time however, although I also got the lurgy, I have managed to get over it with relative ease. My Patient on the other hand got so sick, that yesterday I took the day off work to look after him. Something I am being punished for today. Apparently I'm so valuable at work, they can't live without me! Ha! If I'm so damn good & so invaluable, why the hell do they continue to exploit me? (as well as the other Intelligence Analysts) Grrrrrrr. I had my dummy spit this morning & I've had to grovel to the boss. I'd make the same decision tomorrow if neccessary. My family are far more important than my job.

My Patient has this notion that I'm a walking chemist. This is not as a result of any higher learning, University Degrees or other such nonsense, but due to the fact that my immune system leaves a lot to be desired & I (or my family) have taken just about every prescribed drug known to man. So it's a case of 'been there, done that', & I can advise with some authority (personal experience) how certain drugs are likely to make you feel. I KNEW that the antibiotics he was prescribed were likely to make him feel worse before he felt better. They have always made me feel like hell. I didn't tell him though until after he started taking them. He NEEDED to take them, I didn't want to take the chance that he would refuse. You know what men can be like. Stubborn as all hell!

It's a good thing that His Dr Bulk Bills though because the medicine tally is now up to about $90.

Who can afford to get sick?

The Clock is Ticking.....

2006-03-21T10:11:00.000+10:30

My latest creation that is. It's a clock clock. A large, round clock decoupaged with various pictures of clocks. It's not perfect, but overall I'm happy with the result. I'd been planning to make this since about 1999 - but never got around to it. It feels good to be creative again. It's a big part of who I am and very satisfying.

I do cop a bit of flack from my other half though in that I'm capable of much more, but tend not to do it. There are several reasons for this

I create things to make me happy
I create things to make other people happy, usually in the form of custom made items
I create things as a form of relaxation
I create things because I can't buy what I want
I create things because I like the unusual and unique.

I don't create things to make money. Once I do that, all the fun goes out of it. I find it really difficult to make things for nobody in particular, in colours or styles that may or may not suit others. I also worry that it's not good enough, not professional enough, to sell to anyone. I'm a perfectionist to a certain extent.

Back in the 80's when BIG earrings were all the rage, Myself, My Mum & My sister had a pair of earrings to match every outfit we owned. I handpainted blanks with the designs in the clothing or made things out of Fimo, when that was popular. But the fun in that was the custom made element. The fact that they were made for someone in particular to go with a certain outfit.

When I used to do wedding photography, many moons ago, I used to worry endlessly that the clients wouldn't like the images. After all, you couldn't go back & do it all again. For the most part, I had absolutely no cause to worry - except to the extent that My Ex used to take most of the photos, particularly the formal shots, & I'd stress endlessly because he was generally incompetent. But as for my images, I actually had very few failures and the couples were generally very happy with shots that would look at home in the latest bridal magazine. Yet, I'd still worry endlessly. We stopped doing it for several reasons. There was no money in it. It was a lot of hassle. Not all couples are nice to deal with (In fact several were Brides from HELL). Grooms and Groomsmen are generally difficult to deal with. having said that, I would like to get back into photography, but more for personal pleasure. Would anyone be interested in a book of images of the intricate wrought iron surounds of old graves? Some of them are magnificent and some are beautiful in their simplicity, like the one whose corners are punctuated with simple wrought iron lillies. Anyway, another project, albeit a bit obscure.

I need more projects, so if anyone wants anything, let me know & I'll see what I can come up with.

Have a great Day :-)

Almost, But Not Quite...

2006-02-27T09:41:00.000+10:30

The weekend was both good & frustrating.

Good, because it was relaxing & we didn't have to be anywhere or do anything at the behest of others. Good because I got the housework done quickly & easily. Though my other half thought I was angry about something. In the middle of cleaning the kitchen he comes in & asks "what's wrong?'. Nothing was wrong, other than we didn't have a house that cleaned itself & hadn't managed to train Merlin to do it. Often women clean to let off steam, work off some energy or to have some control over something, because they don't have any control over whatever it is they're pissed off about. I was cleaning simply because it needed doing. I'm not a domestic goddess by any stretch of the imagination & if I can avoid housework, I will. It's a neccessary evil unfortunately.

But other parts of the weekend were frustrating....

I tried a new potato & rosemary dish on Saturday night - but it stuck to the alfoil lining the tray & I had to carefully peel it all off the bottom of what was supposed to be a decorative flower shape. it ended up being mangled. It did taste nice. Better luck next time I suppose.

Then I planned to apply the 2-part resin coating to the decoupage clock I am making. I thought I would have just enough resin left to do the job. I didn't. Now I have to go buy some more & add another layer. Instructions suggest it can be done - but I've never tried it before & I could very well F*&K up the whole thing. On top of that, the resin 'bled' underneath the clock face where it joins the decoupage. I CAN rectify that though, thank God!

Then I planned to make a velvet scrunchie for my hair, because my old one had finally died. I also wanted to make a rice-filled doorstop for the bedroom which wouldn't hurt as much as the little metal box holding the door open to our bedroom when I kick it most nights when either letting Merlin out or going to the loo.

I got two thirds the way through the scrunchie when my sewing machine seized up. Just Great! I managed to finish it by hand. I then tried to cut out the fabric for the doorstop, intending to sew that by hand too, when of the 5 pairs of scissors in the house, I couldn't find a pair sharp enough to cut through the fabric without mangling it to bits! I gave up on that one.

Hopefully I'll be more successful with my creative pursuits next weekend.

I See Red, I See Red, I See Red

2006-02-23T10:16:00.000+10:30

When is Red not Red? Apparently when it is in the shape of an arrow on a set of traffic lights.

In the past few weeks I have repeatedly been frustrated & delayed in getting where I want to go because INCONSIDERATE BASTARDS keep running red turning lights, meaning that I, and others, can't turn on our GREEN turning lights because we'd clean them up if we did.

I was very tempted to do just that this morning. After having another ordinary sleep due to council workers who feel the need to hammer the pavement for hours on end in the middle of the night, I was a tad weary this morning. Sitting on Portrush Road heading north & waiting to turn right into Magill Road. I was second in line in the turning lane. We got a green arrow, but had to wait for FIVE cars (inc 3 Burnside Buses) to turn right from Magill road into Portrush - very obviously on a red light. By the time I entered the intersection, and I was only the second car remember, the turning light was orange!. Grrrr

The same thing happens trying to turn right into Portrush from Kensington Road & it can often take up to SIX light changes before you get around - and invariably that will usually be on an orange light also.

Why can't people be more considerate of others? it's not hard. Takes as much energy as being an inconsiderate bastard, so why do people do it?

Stuck Between a Rock & A Hard Place

2006-02-10T11:51:00.000+10:30

I love my job. I really do. I love the thrill of the hunt. I love putting the pieces together & helping to catch crooks & put them away. I love the responsibility of dorecting where the LSA resources are to be deployed. I love being able to prevent further crime. I love being a big fish in a little pond. I love that my area is not into office politics, bitching and backstabbing (unlike Treasury & Finance, how refreshing). I love the people I work with, for the most part. I love the flexibility and autonomy I have to do my job.

But it all comes at a price.

I started in Sapol in 1999 together with 15 other civillian Intelligence Analysts. We weren't neccessarily well received as we were seen to have 'taken' jobs away from sworn members. The road to acceptance & respect was a difficult one at times.

We all started as ASO4's, even though it was fairly clear that the positions benchmarked with other public service comparable positions at somewhere between an ASO5 and an ASO6. Even in comparison with our peers in the intelligence field (AFP, Customs, NCA, ACC) we were underclassified and underpaid. We had concerns about this and voiced them early. We also had concerns that there was no career structure. We were told in September 1999 that within a year, they would re-evaluate the level and also develop a career structure. We are STILL waiting. What does this mean? if nothing else it means that I'm out of pocket about 40 odd grand. That's hardly small change. It also means that had I stayed where I was, there was at least a good chance of becomming an ASO5 - as did some of the people I used to supervise when i was there. It's humiliating. In Treasury & Finance I had about 20% of the work and responsibility that I have now.

Every time we have attempted to have it reviewed, it has either been squashed or burried, or it's incorporated into an Intelligence review and they ALWAYS run out of money before getting to the changes that affect the civillian employees. How very convenient.

A couple of my peers have applied for re-classification, and have both had them burried - even though that's illegal. There have also been efforts to sabotage the prospects of some of us who have tried to move to other departments.

When we joined, we were the equivalent of Sargeants, both financially and authority and responsibility. As a result of lack of adequate pay rises (cost of living my arse) and significant payrises for the sworn members of Sapol, we are now the equivalent of 11th year Constables. Not even Senior Constables. Last year we had a member in my area on light duties. She worked Monday to Friday, the same hours as me & did the same work as me. She took home $10000 a year more than I did.

Is it any wonder I'm not just a tad bitter & resentful?

So, what else?

I've also reached the point where I find it extremely difficult dealing with the subject matter. I'm sick of having nightmares about 5 year old girls being raped twice a week by a couple (male & female) who baby-sat her. This went on for two years & was discovered when she tried to French kiss her Nanna. I'm sick of all the suicides and domestic violence. I'm sick of people not caring if anyone is home when they go in & steal their possessions. I'm sick of the elderly being taken advantage of. I'm tired of the wreakage that becomes peoples lives. I find it extremely difficult to believe that the world is essentially a good place. It's very hard to maintain perspective. Fortunately I have my loved ones & without them, I may not even be here.

Another thing to be resentful about.

Last year I was very sick for a while. it was as a result of a new term 'vicarious traumatisation'. I had started taking on everyones pain personally & lost perspective. It caused severe anxiety and depression. I'm OK now, but it was a long hard road getting here & I'm eternally grateful for all of the support I received.

But it shouldn't have happened.

Sworn members have regular reviews to try & prevent this sort of thing before it develops. Because we (Intelligence Analysts) are civillian, nobody thought to include us in the same welfare process - even though we are exposed to the same things.

My job is no longer good for my health or my finances, even though I love it.

I'm not sure what I should do next. Any suggestions?

Strange Sounds

2006-02-10T11:15:00.000+10:30

What goes..... tink, crunch...tink, crunch.....tink, crunch?

Merlin eating dry cat food.

He has all his food dishes on a metal tray in the kitchen. Every time I put his bowl of biscuits at the front of the tray, he pushes the bowl to the back of the tray. He then reaches over into his bowl & flicks a biscuit out onto the tray (tink), then he eats it (crunch). Not only is this a bit of a game, but also makes it easier to sort out which particular biscuits he likes & leaves the ones he doesn't. Like a typical child, he leaves his vegies & we end up with a bowl of stale green biscuits.

Ahhh Merlin. Truly one of a kind

Blaq

2006-02-09T15:01:00.000+10:30

Just did a spot of retail therapy. Didn't go overboard, and used layby. I'm a firm believer that it's not neccessarily what you wear, but how you wear it, and that you don't have to spend a kings ransom to look great. I've also discovered, the hard way, that buying clothes off ebay is not always a good idea. I've picked up some nice things that I've had a lot of wear out of, but I also have several things in my wardrobe that I'll probably never wear - because they just don't fit right. So, I'm going back to the shops to buy clothes. I'll still keep an eye on Ebay for interesting things and bargains, but for the most part, I'll be shopping in person from now on. Part of the reason why I shopped on Ebay is that there is almost too much choice in the shops. It's just too confusing, and if you're like me, I have to see EVERYTHING before I make a decision. I can be a nightmare to shop with and much prefer to do it on my own. I know what looks ok & what doesn't, I've had years of practice, so I don't really need a second opinion.

Anyway, moving right along. I rather fancy alot of the autumn/winter fashions. I generally prefer winter clothes than summer. Always have. Lots of black around, velvet, long skirts, lovely fabrics and lots of crosses and dangly jewellery. I'm in my element. Victorian/Edwardian with a dash of Gothic. Yum. The only thing I don't like are the high collared tops. Just can't wear them. I get claustrophobic. So I have to look for an alternative that is big enough. Unfortunately I inherited my Dad's large ribcage & I find it very hard to get tops to fit. Grrrrr
Any ideas how I can lose some weight WITHOUT losing my bust????

And my other half says I can't write unless I'm dealing with angst over something...... Hmmmmm. Maybe next post where I'll toss around my love/hate relationship with my job.

RIP Jet

2005-11-03T13:23:00.000+10:30

I lost a very dear friend/companion last week. My cat, Jet, passed away. he was nearly 18 years old and had a very good life. Spoilt is an understatement. He was a very special cat and very deserving of all the fuss and attention. Most people, including non-cat people, took a shine to Jet.

In his prime he was a very large and majectic black cat. He had a fair dash of Burmese in him & had a gorgeous temperament.

I was very sad when he left us & still have melancholy moments thinking of the special times imprinted on my memory. He was a clever cat. He trained us so that he could be fed, what he wanted, when he demanded. You see, he had a buffet. A row of dishes with dry food, wet food, a bowl for cheese, a treat dish (usually raw chicken), milk and water. We used to always put them down in exactly the same place so that when he felt like something in particular, all he had to do was sit in front of that particular dish. You'll not I said he trained us, not we trained him.

He'd 'talk' but would never meow for the hell of it - unlike Merlin. He'd return home & wait on the doorstep by 8.30 every night & always stay in overnight. He never scratched the screen doors or was otherwise destructive. He'd sit on the window sills & watch the world go by. I'd have to clean off the little snot marks he left on the windows, but I didn't mind.

He used to like to fetch & return things, like a dog. His favourite was a metal knitting needle. Nothing stranger than seeing a cat with a knitting needle in it's mouth. Except perhaps a kitten with a tennis ball in it's mouth - one of Merlin's tricks.

He used to sleep on the bed, but more specifically, he'd sleep on my pillow which had a satin pillowcase. Never mind that my head was already on it!! He'd just get his back legs & gradually push my head off the pillow. Or he'd place his front & back legs either side of my ears so I'd wear him like a hat. He took up the entire length of the pillow. As i said, he was a BIG cat.

Jet liked eating his dry biscuits alfresco on the outdoor setting. As I discovered, the birds liked to eat them too. Particularly Black birds. We had a few regulars who used to work in cahoots with each other to lure Jet off the table so they could get to his buscuits. It usually worked. In the end, they just ate them while he was sleeping next to them. he was generally afraid of birds though, expecially after one flew straight into him & knocked him off the table! he was also terrified of the pair of ducks that used to visit too. Well, they were bigger than him! But have you ever heard of a cat that was afraid of goldfish? Yep, you guessed it, Jet was! I had a pond, with fish & Jet used to drink out of it. One day the fish mistook his red tongue for fish flakes & took a nip at him. After that he wouldn't drink out of it until he could see that all the fish were up the other end of the pond.

I miss him, I miss my big old cuddly Jet.

:-(

Pat Rape

2005-09-26T15:05:00.000+09:30

What is Pat Rape?

It's when Merlin, the slut for affection that he is, takes advantage of you in a sleeping state by continuously bunting the bottom of your hand with his head. He actually waits until you fall asleep! Sometimes we wake up, sometimes we don't. Either way, he gets satisfaction without our consent.

Tales of Merlin

2005-09-23T11:42:00.000+09:30

Ahhhhh, Merlin. Our funny little grey cat. An endless source of amusement, frustration and annoyance, but we love him to bits.

Though called Merlin (his brother of unknown whereabouts was called Mandrake), he's often called anything but his real name. Lord Paws, Sir meow-a-lot, Merli, the Merle, Merli Merle, The grey gay cat (his sexual persuasion is the topic of significant debate), Merlus, Little Fang, munchkin, raggamuffin, and several very colourful expletives when he's being particularly annoying, such as first thing in the morning before being fed & around 4am in the morning if he hasn't been shut in the laundry.

He is one of those few cats that has an extensive range of facial expressions. He smiles. A genuine, grin. It's priceless! He can also manage one of the most perturbed & worried expressions I've seen on anyone, let alone a cat. Just what he has to be concerned about, I'll never know. He's pretty spoilt, though I admit, not as spoilt as my old cat, Jet. THAT was a spoilt cat! His funniest expression though is probably his highly relaxed, head upside down pose with his fangs exposed!

He's quite the contortionist too, but I might leave that for the next episode of the Adventures of Merlin.

Take Care

Seven Things part 2

2005-09-21T10:47:00.000+09:30

7 Favourite Possessions

1 Black Top Hat
2 My Great-Grandfathers silver Fob Chain
3 A piece of cast iron scrollwork
4 Black velvet dress
5 Black Ostrich feather quill
6 Collection of trinket boxes
7 Pair of antique wine glasses (beautiful to drink from)

7 Favourite Places

1 There's no place like Home
2 Burra (facinating place)
3 Pt Hughes (many a fond memory)
4 The white & blue gazebo at the Botanic Gardens
5 Dinner Plain
6 Paris
7 Grampians

7 Favourite Foods

1 Brie & Avocado on waferthins
2 Emmentaller Poulet from either the Lenzerheide or Alphutte restaurants
3 Chocolate - any type, any brand & as much as possible!
4 Cauliflower & Cheese sauce - the way Mum makes it
5 Macaroni cheese
6 Boiled eggs perfectly cooked by Nanna in the billy and served with 'soldiers' on the white plate with daffodils & violets on it. Sadly, I will never have this again, however i still have the plate.
7 Toasted Cheese & Tomato sandwiches

They Made Me do it!

2005-09-15T11:59:00.000+09:30

Danny & Chad that is. And I'm talking about t he question & answer thing doing the rounds. Mind you, I can't decide what to have for dinner, so I'm not sure I'll be able to come up with enough answers. Furthermore, I've got a shitlload work and other stuff to do, including a job application. I hate writing job applications, but I couldn't con my better half into doing it, so I'm stuck with it.

Anyway, here goes.....

7 things I plan to do before I die
1 Actually believe that I am as good as the next person (or the next....)
2 Have something published, somewhere....
3 Make more people actually BELIEVE that you don't have to have a Degree to be successful, an expert in your field or intelligent
4 Learn to play Bass guitar
5 Become a better cook
6 Take up photography again
7 Hurt as few people as possible

7 things I cannot do
1 Dance (well, not very well anyway)
2 Be everything to Everyone
3 Know everything
4 Be everyone's friend
5 Climb tall ladders
6 Get in a very crowded lift
7 Eat seafood (apart from Tuna Mornay)

7 things that attract me to the same (or opposite) sex
1 Intelligence
2 Personality
3 Sense of Humour
4 Looks (particularly a cheeky smile and lovely eyes)
5 Grace
6 Honesty
7 That indefinable 'spark'

7 things that I say most often
1 Cool!
2 Excellent!
3 "Who wants a cup of tea?"
4 "What do you want for dinner?"
5 "It's good in the Police!"(said with sarcastic inflection)
6 "Oh, for fuck (or 'heavens' - depending on the audience) sake!"
7 "This crystal ball is purely decorative you know"

7 celebrity crushes
1 Tim Robbins (goes without saying really)
2 Jimmy Page (In his younger days & before I discovered he was a paedophile of sorts)
3 Catherine Deneuve
4 Liam Neeson
5 Ashley Judd
6 Pierce Brosnan
7 Angelina Jolie

7 people I want to do this
1 Sandy
2 Bossy
3 Coley
4 Donna
5 Smithy
6 Kat
7 Anyone who reads this

Sufficiently bored yet????

Happy Trails

2005-07-14T10:14:00.000+09:30

Last night I couldn't sleep, so rather than think about bills, an impending interview, an impending funeral, the fact that I can't find my silver bracelet & all the other crap that usually fills my head, I turned my thoughts to a memorable family holiday.

I was about 8 or 9. The family (Mum, Dad, Sue, Simon & Me) hitched the caravan to the old Holden Premier & headed for the Grampians. It was the first of sever trips I have made there. A beautiful place. It was the September school holidays, hence it was cold and wet. Very wet. One of the wetest winters on record. It was the cold & wet that made the holiday so event-filled and memorable.

The first incident was when Dad took a wrong turn. As we were towing a caravan, a simple U-turn was out of the question, so Dad pulled into a farm to turn the car & caravan around. Well, that was the plan, until the caravan got bogged & we were stuck there for an hour trying to get it out.

When we finally got to the Halls Gap Caravan Park, we found that it was half underwater. Flippers were required to get to the toilet block! Because it was so wet, Mum thought it would be a good idea to get me some gumboots. She promptly told me not to play in the puddles, but of course, that's exactly what I did.

The first and second nights, I fell off the top bunk, thereafter being banned from sleeping up there & was made to sleep with Sue on the converted table/bed/thingy. I have a long history of falling off bunk beds in caravans & even have a scar to prove it.

Because of the cold & wet, there were more waterfalls than the regular sights, as all of the stone steps to the viewing areas for them ran with torrents of water. I don't remember seeing so much water.

The Piece de Resistance though was yet to come with a drive up to the top of the highest peak whereupon we found it to be snowing! We'd never seen snow before. Sue & I, after a quick exploration, hopped back into the warm car (the heaters worked well in the old Premier). Simon however decided to scare Sue by throwing a snowball at the car window. Good move....not. Of course we then discovered, the hard way, that the sudden change in temperature would cause the window to shatter! Brilliant!! We spent the next day driving to Horsham trying to find a replacement. Of course there was none available & we had to make do with plastic until we returned home.

For all of the dramas, it's still one of the best family holidays I can remember. But I'm glad that we eventually discovered on-site caravans and cabins for future holidays.

I See The Light

2005-07-13T00:08:00.000+09:30

I see the light, and now I know it's not a train coming the other way.

The last few weeks have been sheer hell, the last week and a half in particular. I didn't think I could survive it. I thought I was going mad. I never thought I would ever be 'me' again. It scared the crap out of me, and that, of course, only made everything worse.

The Dr has precribed Cipramil to manage the Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I think it's working - to a degree. The side effects of going on it were truly horrible, as I knew they would be. That was one of the reasons I resisted going back on medication. Been there, done that. But every day, I'm feeling a little better, and can eat a little more & not feel quite so sick. Needless to say that after nearly three months of feeling nauseous, I'm somewhat thinner than I used to be. Yesterday I tried on a pair of size 11 jeans. They fitted more or less but I figured that now I could eat, I might put on a bit of weight. I was well & truly a size 14 before developing GAD. I should make the most of it & try & tone up what's left.

On a sad note, my close friends' Father passed away last Thursday after battling Cancer. He found out last October as did the Father of my other close friend, Donna. Her Father passed away in January, on her birthday. He didn't suffer for too long. So much sadness & pain.

On a bright note (& it will be when you hear what I'm wearing!), my niece is having her 21st on Friday night. It's a Retro themed party. What to wear? Well, we went op-shopping for some inspiration & I found the most gorgeous (or revolting) 70's suit. It's bright red un-cut cord/velvet and consists of long wide-legged pants with a 2 inch cuff & a long sleeved jacket with red & gold buttons. Fits perfectly! Nobody will be able to miss me! My other half managed to find a truly stunning authentic, tight fitting velour windcheater and a pair of cords. All he needs is a little emblem on the left breast & he'd look right at home on the deck of the Enterprise. It should be a good night, and now that I'm feeling better, I should be able to enjoy it.

To Tattoo or not to Tattoo

2005-06-21T10:16:00.000+09:30

A year or so ago I considered getting a Tattoo. As yet I haven't, but with a significant birthday approaching, I'm considering it again.

Done, Dusted & Finito!

2005-06-16T17:13:00.000+09:30

Well, I have just completed and submitted my final assignment for my final subject for my Graduate Diploma in Criminal Intelligence. How do I feel?

Relieved. Because it's finally finished
Frustrated. Because I could have done better - under different circumstances
Annoyed. That I felt I HAD to obtain tertiary qualifications to combat the academic snobbery within both my profession and organisation. Also annoyed because it hasn't provided any more opportunities or other benefits than I would have otherwise had.
Poor. Because it cost me a f%$#ing fortune & SAPOL didn't contribute one red cent to it. As far as I am aware, they are the ONLY government department that DON'T financially contribute toward tertiary education.
Angry. Because it took a lot of time, money, stress, emotion and effort and I can quite honestly say I am no better an Intelligence Analyst than I was before I started it.
Surprised. That I was even capable of doing it & doing it well. Self-esteem & self-confidence are not my strong points at the best of times, especially at the moment.
Strong. Because I did it whilst dealing with several stressful situations in my life and during a period of extended illness. (more on that later)
Proud. Because it's a bloody great achievement. It was a hard slog & I damn well deserve the credit. & If I'm not proud of myself, nobody else will be.

Now I just have to decide whether to go on next year & do a Masters degree in Criminal Intelligence. Ponder, ponder, ponder. Stay tuned.....

The last year or so have been extremely stressful. That's not to say that there hasn't also been good times, there have been. Many of them. But the last 6 months have been particularly peppered with disasters and other stressful people and situations. The straw that broke the camels back was having my car stolen & torched just before Easter. That led to all sorts of other dramas & headaches & being the natural worrier that I am, I promptly developed what is known as Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). A fellow blogger the other day mentioned that she had experienced her first Panic Attack. I sympathise. They are vile things that you feel you won't survive. OK, GAD is a panic attack that generally lasts 24/7. Generaly a little milder than a full-on panic attack, but it takes an awful lot to try & deal with constantly feeling like you are going to have a heart attack, explode, vomit, scream, run away and hide. It has been a nightmare. I am gradually improving, but it is taking a lot longer than I would like. I'm still not sure that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't actually a train coming the other way. The hard part is trying to convince myself it's not. I need to re-train my thinking. I have to train myself to leave the past in the past. I'm getting better at that, but sometimes things crop up that cause minor setbacks. Some people just won't let go. Probably the most frightening thing is that I now have a much stronger understanding of why some people commit suicide. Sometimes it feels like the only escape. The only solution. Having said that, it's not something I'd do. So don't panic.

On another downer, my brother separated from his wife this week. Although it was anticipated, it still caught me off-guard. I've found myself on a couple of occasions this week sitting at my desk when all of a sudden I have to dash off lest I drown my keyboard. I'm frustrated that because of the GAD, I don't feel strong enough to give my Brother the support he so deperately needs. But i will give him what I can. I just feel an overwhelming sense of sadness.

Well, I'm off home to spend some time with some of the people (& felines) I love dearly. They are the important things in my life.

Take Care

xxx

The Grey Zone

2005-04-25T09:48:00.000+09:30

The book I'm reading at the moment, Into the Darklands has stirred a memory in me and I must say, it's causing me a great deal of confusion. Though, as an aside, It's far better than the dark abyss I often find myself falling into upon thinking of such inanimate objects as lamps. But that's another story.

When I was 15, & only just 15, my older brother Simon took me on a ski trip. He was 21. We had a fantastic time. While we were there we met up with a couple of guys who were also staying at our chalet. They were in their 20's. One was a teacher. They were both from South Australia. We all got along really well & spent a fair amount of time together. A week later we left. One of the guys stayed on as he was being met by his girlfriend. The teacher (I can no longer recall his name) returned home on the same bus as Simon & I. On the journey home, the teacher taught me how to play backgammon. We also engaged in some 'heavy petting'. Although I was just 15 & he was in his 20's, it was most certainly consensual.

And this event has now raised a number of dilemas for me. Most who read this, if anyone indeed does, knows roughly what I do for a living. Part of my role involves the identification, classification and monitoring of Paedophiles. I have an umber of questions running through my head that I find, having been in that situation, that I cannot satisfactorily answer. Was he a paedophile? I certainly didn't think so at the time & even now I have trouble considering that to be the case. Yet if I examined the same circumstances in my professional setting, it is likely that I would reach the conclusion that he was. I don't know if this was a pattern of behaviour or whether I was the only one it ever happened with. Did I feel violated at the time? Certainly not. Did, or even do I feel that an offence was committed? No. Though I know technically it did. I wouldn't, and hadn't ever considered this event to even be in the same league as being sexually assaulted by the girl who lived up the street from me, or being raped on my 17th birthday. They were sexual assaults, no two ways about it. There was an offender and a victim. But this event when I was 15? I don't feel that I was a victim of anything. This is The Grey Zone. When does the age difference make a difference? Did the fact that he was a teacher make a difference? Naturally each case must be examined on its own merits, but this has created somewhat of a dilemma for me professionally.

I would be interested in the opinion of others.

The Six Legged Rabbit

2005-04-04T11:52:00.000+09:30

I'm not sure what the 'creator' was thinking when they constructed this pink velour rabbit located in an antique shop on the weekend. Six legs. Hmmmmm. It reminded me of my green velvet rabbit, Rupert, that my Nanna made for me when I was about 3 or 4 from the remnants of a green velvet evening gown she had made for herself. She was a Tailoress and made most of her own clothes as well as clothes for others. I still have the fully lined aqua wool coat with white fur collar & matching bonnet that she made at around this same time. The left-over white fur went into Ruperts' ears and tail. I still have him & he is still in perfect condition and has never needed any repairs.

My partners' book is coming along in leaps & bounds. I'm so proud of him & what he has achieved - and the book hasn't even been published yet. One of the positive outcomes that was somewhat unexpected is the number of friendships re-kindled, often after many years.

Which reminds me. I must phone Donna

Just one day. That's all I want. Just one day with a clear head.

All of the stress of the last week or so is finally taking it's toll & I am now seeing a re-emergence of symptoms of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I had this condition back in 1991 after a bout of Viral Meningitis and have had recurrences of it at various times since. Usually when I am run-down and/or severely stressed. Time to watch what I eat & get plenty of rest.

It never rains, it pours!

2005-03-29T16:21:00.000+09:30

Recent weeks have been filled with assorted drama. Although I doubt I'd ever top myself, I can certainly understand how those like the late Paul Hester come to feel that there is no better solution than suicide. It's the extreme of that 'flight' impulse isn't it?

A couple of weeks ago I found it neccessary to take out a restraining order against my Ex-husband. It was a difficult but neccessary decision to make. The hard part now is having it served on him. For once it appears his bullshit isn't crap after all and he may very well be in Bali as he recently claimed, working at a hotel. I'm quite sure it won't take long though before he's back again as he hasn't been able to keep a job for as long as I've known him. Patience. The RO will be there waiting for him when he returns.

It seems that Easter is now earning a reputation of being marked by significant events. Last year it was marked by fairly significant positive & ultimately life-changing events and we will be celebrating our aniversary on the 6th of April. This year however it was marked by the theft & incineration of my beloved red 'ferrari'. It was taken on Thursday night & I was informed at 5.30am on Good Friday (couldn't they have waited?) that it was found incinerated at Virginia. So, now we are on the hunt for a new car. We are looking at something entirely different. Not so difficult to get in & out of & with 4, rather than 2 doors, and lots of storage capacity. Any recommendations folks?

Hopefully things will start to settle down soon.....

This Old House

2005-03-02T20:57:00.000+10:30

I took Danny to see my old house the other day. Well, I didn't specifically go to show him, but i wanted someone with me when I went in case I came over all emotional. I haven't been back since January 2002 and never felt I had the chance to really say goodbye to it.

It is now on it's third lot of owners. The second lot destroyed much of what i loved, like adding roller shutters & destroying the garden (saw pictures in the local paper when they put it up for sale - at a 50% profit!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrr), but the third lot don't appear to have done much more damage.

The trim & woodwork has been repainted. The cream is more cream than the colour I chose & they repainted in heritage red rather than the original Indian Red. It looked a little 'bright' for my taste. They had also removed the subtle faux etching I had put on the lower portion of the front windows. I couldn't tell if the burgundy taffetta austrian blinds were still hanging. Sounds like a french bordello doesn't it? I can assure you it was quite tasteful. Wish i had more pictures, but my dickhead of an ex pinched all the photos I had when he stayed with me for a week the first time he was evicted after I left him.

The majority of the 40 David Austin Roses had been ripped out of the front garden, which was entirely cottage garden when it was mine, together with a path with a diamond with a sundial in the centre. Now half of it is lawn but it is totally out of balance.

The Evergreen Alder has been ripped out which is a shame as it was a beautifully shaped tree. The silver birch is still there but the Guelder Rose is not. That made me sad. i planted that in memory of my Nanna. She had one at her house and it is one of my fondest memories of her old Prospect house. That and the perfectly circular rear lawn that Gramps used to spend so much time trimming by hand.

The street tree had also been removed. That i can fully understand as it was an unusual oak variety that kept the dead leaves on the branches until the new growth pushed them off. Every Autumn/Winter we would get offers from all the local gardening services to have our 'dead' tree removed. LOL It was truley hideous. The only reason I didn't have it removed was because it would have destroyed the symetry.

I pointed out to Danny the finial on the letterbox that my Father had hand carved to match the finials on the roof. Cute. And very typically 'me'

I still haven't found my 'style' for this place yet. I'm working on it. I'm not one to rush into things and also not one for following trends too closely or buying pieces of furniture that will date quickly. Patience.

Saw Aviator last night. thought it was a good film, well worth seeing. One scene in particular had me in hysterics, but it was more of a private joke. The scene where Howard Hughes visits Katherine Hepburn's family for lunch. Danny & I looked at each other & I burst out laughing just as he said - "that's what it's like with your lot!" and it is!!! 5 conversations going in all directions and all at once! I had tears rolling down my face at that.

Pushing Shit uphill

2005-03-02T10:20:00.000+10:30

Do you ever feel like you're fighting a losing battle?

It's how I feel at the moment. On so many levels.

Was life really meant to be this hard?

Interrupted Slumber

2004-09-02T14:08:00.000+09:30

My weird dreams are continuing. The other night involved the owners of the house I built with my ex bulldozing it. Not sure exactly what brought that one on, but it got me thinking about the old place again. I've never gone back to look at it since leaving it on 11/01/02. I know the next owners did things to it that made it look awful. Like fitting roller shutters. yuk! For the first time though, thinking about it didn't make me sad or upset. I know that if I had the opportunity to buy it back, I wouldn't. It's not what I want anymore. My taste has changed and I no longer feel the need to live in a house that looks like a display home. Don't get me wrong, it was lovely & alot of blood, sweat & tears (& money) went into it. If you can prune 30 David Austin Roses without drawing blood, you're a better man than me, Gunga Din. I am considering going to have a look it for a bit of closure. To recall & feel proud of the picket fence & gate I built with my Dad and all the other things I made for the interior, but won't get to see again. To be proud of that achievement & recognise that it's time to move on to the next one. To say goodbye to it, which I didn't really get to do as the new owners tried to move in before we had moved out! Bastards. 18 months later they sold it for a $70,000 profit. We lost about $20,000 on the sale ourselves. What is done, is done.

I have a dilemma. Well, it's not really mine, but as she is a close friend, I'm not sure what I should or can do. Her self-esteem has hit rock bottom. As a result she feels that nobody wants her or would consider her worthy of a relationship. Naturally, with this kind of attitude, that's exactly what she will face. What frustrates me is that she is 27 years old, tall & beautiful (in a Sandra Bullock/Julia Roberts kind of way), great figure (I'd kill for her tits & waist) with a loving, kind and warm personality. She's intelligent & funny, loyal and reliable. She doesn't see or believe any of this though. I don't knopw how I can change that. Anyone have any suggestions. I almost think it's beyond me. I think much of it stems from her previously being in a violent relationship and I'm not sure how to deal with that. I don't know how to help repair the damage it's done.

Off to make a cuppa...

Past is Past

2004-08-31T14:17:00.000+09:30

I saw this on another blog & liked it. Thought I'd share it

Love isn't love unless it is expressed; Caring isn't caring unless the other person knows; Sharing isn't sharing unless the other person is included. Loving, caring and sharing can make for a very happy life.

Showtime!!!

2004-08-31T13:33:00.000+09:30

We're off to the show on the weekend. I'm looking forward to it. I haven't been in years. Of course I'm not looking forward to the financial drain that results, but then, it's only once a year isn't it.

Currently listening to a bootleg of the 1984 Newcastle concert of Robert Plant. I must say, it's bloody good quality for a bootleg. It's how I remember it too. I saw him at Apollo stadium on the same tour. Actually, the bootleg sounds a bit better than I remember it sounding at the Apollo. The accoustics at the Apollo were never that good were they?

Yesterday i finally started listening to a CD I got for my Birthday. Deep Purple; Concerto for Group & Orchestra. It's not everyones cup of tea, but I've always loved it. The quality is amazing, compared to the original vinyl. I was trying to pinpoint why I liked it so much and found it difficult. I did come up with a few theories that certainly contribute though. I like both Rock & classical & its a good combination of the two. In a way, I find it 'balances' my mood and frame of mind when I listen to it. i used to listen to it a fair bit during a period when I was about 16 when I think I must have been reasonably happy with life. Also, I used to listen to it with my Brother. His girlfriend hated it & she was somewhat jealous of me & the time Simon spent with me. So it kinda represents that bond we have. Anyway, I like it.

My sleep during the last week has been punctuated with bizarre dreams/nightmares. These have occurred on a nightly basis. They are quite detailed & feel very real, despite the fact that they don't make any sense at all. They have included the following scenarios:

Someone walking into the bedroom while I am in bed holding Mandrake, my cat that went missing over a year ago. Doesn't sound very bizarre i know, but the person who was holding Mandrake is the last person I'd want to be dreaming about. Even moreso than my ex-husband.
speaking of which, he's been in several dreams. I usually end up feeling very stressed, frustrated and annoyed, which is largely how he made me feel. I have no idea why he keeps popping up in my dreams.
An antique shop containing an old lady, an old car with dead bodies hidden in it and some cows. What the?????
My Dad dissappearing. It's OK, he went off to the country for some peace & quiet - but didn't tell anyone. The dream involved looking for him

Last nights was something about diving & not having the correct skin-tight costume for it. Bizarre!!!!!

I'm now off to trawl the net looking for inspiration...

Have fun & be good

Quiz Time!

2004-08-29T12:53:00.000+09:30

I pinched this from Pookie. Let's see how good you are. Then Check out the Scoreboard!

Ramblings of an under-caffeinated twit

2004-08-28T11:01:00.000+09:30

I've only had one cuppa so far so this will probably be full of errors etc.....

Well, I've only got one week to go of holidays & then it's back to work suposedly refreshed. Actually, I DO feel somewhat refreshed. This holiday I have not done much of anything and that is just how I wanted it. Some of that was because I was sick for a lot of it & didn't have too much energy but the rest of it was because I normally start a holiday with a huge list of things to do. What usually happens is that I only achieve a third to half of the list & go back to work tired and frustrated. That's because I put too much on the bloody list & don't really have a hope in hell of achieving it all. This time I didn't have a list, well, only a little one, and it's all done.

Catching up with a girlfriend on Sunday whom I haven't seen in quite a while. I have finally convinced her to make a Dr's appointment to have a Pap Smear. She's never had one before. she's 27. Naughty girl. I know they are not nice, but they are essential!!

In the last year or so I've been trying al sorts of sample face & eye creams etc... Guess which one I think is the best for wrinkle minimisation? A cheap hand cream - Rosken Dry Skin Cream in the white tube/bottle. I kid you not, it was the most effective. Appears to be ok for sensitive skin as mine often is. Who says we have to have all of these expensive concoctions? After all, my Nanna didn't. She just used soap & water (rain-never tap) and whatever moisturiser she had around. She ALWAYS looked 10-15 years younger than she was. If it's good enough for her, it's good enough for me.

I made a statement in my blog the other day which unfortunately was misconstrued. I seem to have a habit of doing this. Easy to do when you know exactly what you mean in your own head, but only type an abreviated version of it. I think the problem lay with the interpretation of the word 'then'- in terms of when exactly 'then' was. I think 'then' was interpreted as a later period than the time-fame that was in my head at the time. Confused? Yep, thought you might be.

It's such a gorgeous day today, but I have no idea what to do. Any suggestions?

Happiness is a warm gun

2004-08-24T15:05:00.000+09:30

I recently asked a friend of mine if he had found the love of his life. He said he regretted to inform me that no, he hadn't, but that he had found an entire cast for a remake of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest!

In fact, several of my male net-friends have said similar things. That most of the women they came across were psycho, total liars, scheming witches or variations/combinations thereof. 'They couldn't possibly be that bad' I retorted. Well, I now concede that they probably were. I don't claim to be the most sane person on the planet, but I know that personally I have had enough women wreak havoc in my life this year to last a lifetime, so I shouldn't be surprised when another one rears her fucking head should I?

Why do people thinks it's perfectly ok to play games with other peoples lives?

I just wish they'd all just fuck off. As it is I can't listen to Bowie anymore without getting angry or upset or both. Before you know it, the only thing I'll be able to listen to without any adverse time/place/person/event association, is the bloody Wiggles!

Traditions

2004-08-22T17:31:00.000+09:30

I'm not having any more birthdays. No, not because of the obvious 'age' related issues, but because it appears that I have begun a tradition. Last year on my birthday I developed a migraine halfway through a film friends took me to see (the Italian Job). I barely made it through without throwing up, but managed to do that on the way home. How embarassing. Migraines had never caused me to throw up previously. I'd had a nice night planned of dinner with a good friend but ended up spending it in bed drinking cups of tea. Well, guess what happened yesterday? Yep, another migraine! Fortunately it waited until the end of a good day to come on, but it did spoil plans I had for later that evening *wink*. I went to bed, alone, and slept for 12 hours. So, next year, I'm not having a birthday, or I'll have it on a different day.

Before the onset of the migraine though, the day was a good one. We met the rest of my family at Strathalbyn for lunch at the Victoria Hotel Bistro. The food was lovely, but true to another of my traditions, they stuffed up my order & I got mine last. I got a free desert though, complete with sparklers. Damn, I thought my request for no birthday cake would get me out of the embarassing public 'happy birthday' singing. We then all wandered around the town like a pack of stray sheep looking at this and that. Mostly overpriced stuff due to it being the weekend of the Antique & collectibles fair. We did find a few things, but I didn't find anything I 'had to have', unless you count the black ostrich feather I got for $5 which normally cost a small fortune. I have an antique glass inkwell I want it for as the other feather quill I had broke. Of course, feathers have other uses too *wink*.

After the headache/vomiting/sleep routine yesterday, we decided to head down there again today as the trash & treasure market was on in the morning. We scoured that & then looked at what we missed yesterday & sat by the river for a while. The weather was just perfect, but all the ducks have gone missing. I remember when Strath was teeming with ducks. I only saw the one the whole weekend!

We came back via Melba's chocolate factory. I know, we had to detour a bit for that, but it was worth it. We have a stash that should last the week at least.

Now that the weather is nicer, we hit the balcony with cups of tea in hand to relax. It's been an enjoyable weekend for the most part.

Another Year

2004-08-20T10:52:00.000+09:30

It's my birthday tomorrow. Another year older. Ugh!!! Hopefully the next year will be better than the last was, for the most part anyway.

An unexpected email I received this week has led me to reflect on some of the decisions I have made. Particularly a fairly significant one in terms of the future. Whilst I thought it might spark feelings of regret and a sense of having made the wrong choice, it's actually done the opposite. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I made the right decision, regardless of the pain that doing so has brought me. Had I known then what I know now, I would have definately made that wrong choice, and I imagine that at this point in time, I probably would have moved on from that relationship out of sheer boredom. Instead, I'm looking forward to travelling, creating things, achieving success both professionally and personally, and sharing all that with someone whom I think, and have always thought, was pretty special.

I know now that in the past some of my actions may have precipitated events that have subsequently caused me a significant amount of angst. I'm not entirely sure why I did that. The goal posts weren't where I thought they were so my actions were never likely to result in a positive outcome, if that was in fact my intent at the time. I dunno. I've been pretty screwed up at times & I think that for much of the last year I have been my own worst enemy. Time to put all that to bed & enjoy the future. Isn't that what they say? Enjoy each day as if it is your last? Wise advice. Very wise.

Anyone have any idea how to train a (stupid) cat. Yes, I admit it, Merlin isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he seems to insist on doing things that piss everyone off. Every morning I get a run down on what he has done before I have dragged my sorry arse out of bed. None of it's good. He'll be no good for the chinese take-away though as he has stopped eating & has lost a heap of weight. We'll get there............eventually.

A beautiful day...time to get out in it

Short but sweet

2004-08-16T18:40:00.000+09:30

This will be as boring as all hell no doubt, because quite frankly, I can't be bothered. It feels as if the only things that have been happening of late have been depressing and/or the cause of a significant amount of angst, and I'd rather not talk about them. What's done is done.

I'm thinking of changing my hair colour. People might kill for naturally curly hair, but I'm having too many 'bad 80's hair' days. I suppose that's what I get for wanting to keep it long & all one length - more or less. I'm thinking of going lighter. No, not blonde. Been there, done that & well, there are a few to inspire me NOT to be blonde. The colour I'm looking for is the colour of the lighter haired of the three in Charmed. I don't watch the show, so don't know her name. What do you think? Should I be brave & just do it?

Another thing I'm considering is a long-standing offer from a net-mate who is a photographer to take a series of photo's of me. I hate being photographed at the best of times, but as he's a bit of a wizz with digital format & post-shoot 'enhancement', I'm giving it serious consideration. After all, I'm not getting any younger. Think I should?

I hate being asked what I want for my birthday. I used to be really practical and keep a list of things I wanted in a notebook. Not specifically for gifts, but things I wanted to buy in general - some personal, some practical. It was useful for such times. I've let this habit lapse in the last year or so and as a result am now in a bit of a quandry. Also because all my priorities have changed & regular 'Lyndal type stuff' seems to be no longer appropriate. I'm also feeling somewhat selfish because, for the first time in years, I don't want anything practical. Bring on the mushy & sentimental crap I say! Even so, I still have no idea really what I would like. Any suggestions?

Merlin is in the bad books......again. I finally got him to sleep outside without too much resistance but the other night, no doubt around 4am, he decided to rip a bloody great big hole in the flywire door. Brilliant. He's never done such a thing before. It's as if some other cat has taken his place. He's not behaving at all like the Merlin I know. He'll settle in eventually I hope.

Off to whip up something for dinner. Ciao xx

Life is too short

2004-08-09T15:56:00.000+09:30

Lately there has been no shortage of wake-up calls to remind me that life is too short and that we should live each day as if it is our last. Yesterday, we received news that a relative had attempted to comit suicide. it's something the general public don't see the extent of, because it's rarely in the media, but I see them , all too often, at work. Although, like many others, I have thought about it myself, I've never really been able to understand how things can get, or appear to get so bad that suicide is the preferable option. It's such a waste. It has left us feeling very sombre & melancholy.

I have been adding things to my '100+ Things' page. You'll notice that my 6'2" PC gremlin has also been adding some on my behalf - I think you will be able to pick which ones.

Had lunch with my Brother today which was good. We used to do it regularly when I worked in town. We both miss it. We talked about all sorts of things. His marital situation which is somewhat dodgy at the moment was the main topic. I also told him of a fairly significant event that occurred to me a couple of months ago that I hadn't had a chance to tell him about privately. He thought it explained a fair bit about how I have been in the last few months. It's only a partial explanation though, I didn't fill him in on the rest of the crap - he might have had me comitted to Glenside! We also did some shopping for someone's impending birthday. Haven't made any decisions as yet as to what to get. And no, I'm not giving any hints.

Almost finished another restoration project which will be a Christmas present for someone special. Can't wait to see her face when she opens it. I think I should go into business, but it's hard to put a value on such things and the time they take, especially when you really enjoy doing it.

I'm off to do something productive, if I can get my brain to work properly

So much to do, so little time...

2004-08-07T19:00:00.000+09:30

I'm now into my third week with this cold. I was getting better there for a while, then I relapsed. It's really giving me the shits because I'm so tired all the time. Thank god for codral cold tablets.

There's lots I want to get done this week. So far my list is as follows;

Make an appointment to see my Ear, Nose & Throat specialist. It's the least I can do to try & curb my snoring
Send a copy of my Certificate of Change of Name to my Super fund....albeit 2 years late
Return Davids' call from the other day & send him an Engagement Card (also belated)
Catch up with a friend whose birthday it is tomorrow
Have lunch with my brother Simon
Go shopping for birthday presents
Add to my growing Beer Can collection to cover all the pelmets in Adelaide
Build a Beer Bottle Drive Way - long necks only
Ignore the above two items - maybe I won't go shopping for birthday presents...hmmmmm
Get Merlin to spend more time outside
Put the rego sticker on my car
Make an apology to someone I accused of making me feel like an unpaid prostitute. I allowed myself to feel that way. In the grand scheme of things, it was nothing. At least I knew where I stood, I knew the score and I was under no illusions. Can't blame him for my self-inflicted punishment being effective.
listen to lots of different music now that I have my new CD player in the car
Have someone look at my rear tyre that keeps going flat
Chuck the Fuzzy Little Bastard off the balcony. Twice. In one day

Ok, I've been called to dinner - Chilli - YUM!!!!!!

xxx

And the 'Bad Taste' Award goes to:

2004-08-02T17:11:00.000+09:30

'Sweeny Todd Medical & Sanitary Waste Disposal Services'. I kid you not, I saw this in a Ladies loo of a service station on the way to Melbourne.

Fill you in on more later.....

On the road again

2004-07-30T17:37:00.000+09:30

Well, off to Melbourne shortly and looking forward to it. While we're there we're catching the Impressionists Exhibition at the Art Gallery. Considering it's the period I studied when I was in Matric, I really must see it, even if it is going to cost me an arm and a leg. I like getting the Exhibition book that goes with it. The hard-cover volume is something like $69.00 - absolutely outrageous! I think I'll settle for the sof cover version for $40.

Unfortunately I'll be missing my Brothers birthday, which is tomorrow. Mine is exactly three weeks from his. I haven't got him a present yet though. Slack aren't I? He wants something for his electric guitar. What exactly it is though currently escapes me. I might find something in Melbourne. Also, I'll have the benefit of finding out what he has already been given. The family are going to Ruby Raja for dinner. It's an Indian restaurant at Tea Tree Gully. The Butter Chicken is just Divine. The people that run it are lovely too. They are friends of a friend of mine and I was introduced last year. For any who are familiar with the North-Eastern suburbs, they also own the Mandarin Coin & Simply Thai as well as a new Asian inspired restaurant at Golden Grove which their eldest son runs. The kids are just gorgeous - a combination of Asian & Caucasian. Lovely people.

Did a heap of re-arranging of artwork yesterday & am rather pleased with the results. Especially considering I didn't have my spirit level, tape measure & piece of wood to get the spacings even. I did a group arrangement. I've never done one before as I've never had enough similar pieces to do it with. It looks great. It's also freed up some other areas which will end up being filled in the near future.

Well I must go pack, finish off some painting, eat and sleep

Have a great weekend guys

Is there another word for synonym?

2004-07-28T14:05:00.000+09:30

The mental health system is totally fucked! I know I'm not telling you anyhing you don't already know, but we have serious issues when a person with a mental illness shoots themselves in the head after being turned away by one of the mental health services.

It's my last day at work before taking 5 weeks leave - WOOOHOOOO!! Although, true to form, I'm still sick & hacking up a lung. I actually feel much better than I sound. Usually I go on leave THEN get sick. At least this time I did it before going on leave & therefore won't waste any of it.

Anyway, things to do, people to see, places to go etc...

A minute seems like a lifetime, Baby when I feel this way

2004-07-26T12:10:00.000+09:30

There is no doubt that my good days are outnumbering my bad days, however I still have them. Like today.   It's probably due to the fact that I feel like crap as a result of this cold. Sometimes, despite all my efforts, I cannot eliminate the negative thoughts and recollections from my mind. Memories that are actually worse now than the at the time of the event , as I now have the benefit of truth to put a whole new perspective on things, and the truth is often very painful.

I feel I need to allow myself to reflect, to feel the pain, to rationalise things, to try and understand why. If I don't, it's all likely to fester within me and result in a delayed self-destruction. Many would call it wallowing. Perhaps it is, but I don't agree. Such is my nature that I need to understand, regardless of how bad I will feel as a result of that process.   Yet I'm trying to do this without allowing it to impact upon others and have found this to be extremely difficult. How can I not? I will beat this though.

Grabbed a couple of books over the weekend that I hadn't looked at in a while. One was the book from the art exhibition 'Love & Death in the Age of Queen Victoria' that was at the Adelaide Art Gallery a couple of years ago. The current exhibition of Edwardian art is a sequel. I have a few favourites from the exhibition, but one that captured me in particular was Love and the Maiden by John Roddam Spencer-Stanhope.   I had never particularly liked this piece until I saw it 'in the flesh' so-to-speak. Apart from it's sheer size, its luminosity, colour and texture were so vibrant, I was blown away. The detail was something to behold.

Time to toddle off & do some work...

Bottomless Pit

2004-07-19T15:12:00.000+09:30

After a weekend of doing battle with a purse that wouldn't close (no - not from having too much money in it!) and a heavy handbag whose strap was about to break, I thought it was high time I cleaned the two of them out. You should have seen the amount of absolute CRAP that came out of both of them. Banking receipts, old cough lollies that were now covered in black fluff from the lining of my bag & no longer edible, scrap bits of paper with phone numbers, but without names, business cards for all sorts of things that I have no use for, you name it-I had it in there. Still, it was a lot better than an old handbag I had which was huge & would & did, hold everything but the kitchen sink!

During my recent reading of Blogs and the like, I have noticed that a number of people are quick to cite the fact that they have a degree or other qualification in a manner that implies they are more intelligent than others who don't in a "I have a Degree & therefore I'm right & you're wrong' attitude. It is almost used as a weapon to cut down and trivialise the views and opinions of individuals who have not undertaken tertiary education. Elitism and academic snobbery at its worst. I have worked with a number of individuals (unfortunately) who are living proof that possessing a tertiary qualification does not automatically signify an intelligent individual with commensurate skills and abilities. A colleague has an Honours degree in Forensic Psychology, yet is considered to be one of the least capable Intelligence Analysts employed by the organisation. The measure of someones value should not be limited to academic qualifications.

Off to Sydney tomorrow and have to get up at some ungodly hour! Not impressed. Not to mention that I'm getting a cold & my ears are going to kill me during the flights. Not looking forward to that at all. Pity I won't have time to pay someone a visit.

Do you believe in Ghosts?

2004-07-16T10:53:00.000+09:30

Would any of you folk be interested in a night tour of the Old Adelaide Gaol?

Tours can be arranged for a minimum of 15 people.

Duck Soup

2004-07-15T14:12:00.000+09:30

Recently saw the following sign in relation to a Chinese Restaurant

Free House Soup with every Main Course

What is House Soup? What type of house? Californian Bungalow? or perhaps Spanish Mission?

All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness

2004-07-15T10:25:00.000+09:30

Got an unexpected call yesterday from my mate David in Canberra. He told me he finally got the balls to pop the question to his girlfriend. She said yes of course. He's a good catch, albeit vertically challenged. He even had the guts to choose the ring, which she apparently loves. Brave man. I'm glad he finally found 'the one', he's been looking for eons. I often have a chuckle to myself recalling the time I took him to see Rose the Clairvoyant. He scoffed when she told him she could see him with someone exotic, foreign, petite etc....His fiance is a sweet, petite Iranian girl with dark hair & dark eyes. Remind me to buy a card for them will ya? My memory is like a sieve at the moment.

Had the opportunity the other evening to have a D & M with someone I work with. It needed to be done. Things had been awkward between us since January. I was able to be open & honest & it cleared up many misconceptions they had about what I was thinking. If I had had the guts to explain my reasoning way back then, they wouldn't, as they now don't, have thought what they did.

And there is a lesson folks....

Think about the ramifications of telling that little white lie, or concealing the truth, staying silent or otherwise not being entirely open & honest in order to protect feelings. Chances are, the pain you may cause by being open & honest will be far less than that experienced when it unravels, as it invariably does. Prevention is better than cure. I'm adopting the philosophy and will answer all questions thrown at me with, sometimes brutal, honesty.

There is nothing quite like a life-shattering moment to force you to put everything into perspective and make you feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

I wish today was Friday, don't you?

If you want a job done properly, do it yourself

2004-07-13T14:25:00.000+09:30

Took my car back to the crash repairer on Monday to let them see what they could do about the fact that it was now two different shades of red. I'd already had the stereo ripped out & sent off to see why the CD player was no longer working, so I was looking forward to getting the loan car so I could listen to some decent music, instead of the sound of brakes that need replacing. I was given the use of a little Suzuki Swift Cino. The manager went through all the foibles of the car & then told me it had no stereo because its detachable face had been flogged. Brilliant! I sort of felt at home as its brakes also needed replacing, however, as small as it was, it drove like a fucking tank and had the turning circle of a Double-B Semi. One doesn't drive this thing, they wrestle with it!

Today I got my car back. It's all nice & shiny & polished.........and still two different shades of red. Of course he gave me some cock & bull story that ultimately meant that was all they were prepared to do. I'm still debating whether to continue to kick up a fuss, or do what I thought may help to match the colour. You see, the new paint is lighter than the original: it just needs a touch of black to it. I thought I might apply some of that coloured car polish (in black) & see what happens. It might just be easier. While I'm there I'll align the panels too. All those years hanging with my Dad & Brother in the shed has some advantages.

The hard part of course is getting my car key back on my keyring without breaking another nail - such as they are.

Things aren't always what they seem....

2004-07-13T09:53:00.000+09:30

Be careful, Leos, for you have the power now to alter reality with what you say. This can be used for constructive purposes, but chances are your imagination will be leading while your rational mind is on vacation. This adds up to the potential of misleading yourself and therefore misleading others, unless you pay great care to the words that come out of your mouth.

I was in the mood to write a lengthy blog today, but considering my stars, perhaps I shouldn't?

Simple Things

2004-07-10T16:45:00.000+09:30

With all the turmoil, stress and pain that has been in my life recently, the one thing that made me smile every morning was looking out the bathroom window at the doves who have made a nest in he tree just outside. I say nest, but it's actually more like a shelf. I always think they are going to fall off, it looks so precarious.

& I finally got my leave approved!! Wooohooo! 5 weeks off & believe me, I need it!

The art of flogging a dead horse...

2004-07-08T09:30:00.000+09:30

We were having a conversation this morning about kids. Particularly about the joy they bring because everything is so new and exciting to them. They encourage you to look at everything with a fresh perspective. Whilst I don't neccessarily regret not having had any kids, I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I did. Especially when you hear or read of some of the precious things they do, like Pooky's Angel. He's such a sweetie. A big black cat just isn't quite the same is it?

I wonder why I bother sometimes. Try & do the right thing, try & be nice, helpful and supportive & what do I get? Crucified. Well, that seems to be the flavour of the month at the moment. What really pisses me off though, is that those that have chosen to dislike me, for whatever reason, don't even know me. Their impressions of me seem to be based on all sorts of bizarre assumptions, that have little or no foundation at all. It distresses and saddens me. I don't think I deserve being treated like crap for no good reason & I'm sick of it.

Your Mission should you choose to accept it...

2004-07-05T10:58:00.000+09:30

The weekend started off worse than expected. Plans to patch things up & let bygones be bygones with someone turned totally pear shaped when they refused to accept my apologies. I was flabbergasted. What's done is done & can't be undone. We're all guilty of doing or saying things that have hurt others. The best we can do is admit our mistakes, apologise and move on. WTF can you do when they won't accept an apology? It wasn't at all the result I expected. They said they were only prepared to be polite. Well, sorry, but totally ignoring someone & behaving as if they are not in the room doesn't quite qualify as being polite. What I didn't count on was the fact that this individual is somewhat of a hypocrite. You see, I wouldn't even contemplate doing something I am aware they have done in the past. I find it totally deplorable. With friends like that, I'd have no need for enemies. It should be no surprise therefore that I justifyably don't trust this individual as far as I could throw them.

The weekend improved on Saturday with general pottering about followed by a birthday celebration at Night Train which was a bit of a hoot. I discovered 'Midnight Illusions' and plan to indulge in more of them when I don't have to drive.

More pottering on Sunday, interrupted by incessant sms messages & phone calls. This time from an old stalker of mine, my Ex-husband. I reminded him that as he had already been warned for Stalking, next time he'll be arrested. The calls stopped. Has there been a recent graduation from the National Academy of Stalkers?????? Popped up to my Sister's place for afternoon tea with most of the family. It was the first time I was able to catch up with Mum since she broke her wrist. She doesn't have it in a cast, but she has this metal contraption screwed into her hand & arm, with a metal bar in between to keep it all straight. Ugh! the mere sight of it made me feel ill.

The week is shaping up to be fairly routine but I must drag my sorry arse off to the gym and at least make some effort to take advantage of a recent loss of more weight.

Cheers

2004-07-01T11:27:00.000+09:30

A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Canberra traffic came to a dead halt and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual."

He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?"

The officer replied, "The Prime Minister is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends. So we're taking up a collection
For him."

The lobbyist asked "How much have you got so far?" The officer replied "About 20 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

All the Kings Horses....

2004-07-01T09:59:00.000+09:30

My Mum has once again tried out for 'The Best Human Jigsaw Puzzle' Award. Nowhere near as spectacular as her previous attempts, but impressive nonetheless. She tripped down a step in a shop and braced her fall with her right hand. She now has a broken wrist & hand. She braced her fall to protect her hips & legs, fragile already as a result of previous attempts at this award. Her first concern was whether she would still be able to use her computer. Typical. She'll find a way. One thing she won't be able to do is continue with her art. She has recently discovered that she actually has talent and has produced some lovely pieces already. Something to look forward to.

We had a great win yesterday, thanks, in part, to Danny. It's great to see that if you complain loud enough, you can actually make a difference. In a way it was almost an anti-climax due to the quick turn-around by the Sunday Mail. I was looking forward to further radio discussions with the editor on Friday. Bugger. Still, it's nice to not have to have so much drama, it's not as if we haven't had enough lately is it?

Nothing makes dealing with Mondays harder than a perfect weekend

2004-06-28T10:36:00.000+09:30

The silence was deafening almost. It was bizarre almost to NOT have the weekend incessantly punctuated with the sound of the fucking phone. I just hope it lasts.

I was greeted with a special surprise on Friday night when I got home from work. It actually brought tears to my eyes. It's often the little things that mean so much. The chilli was great too!

Saturday was spent pottering around & shopping for both essentials and luxuries & was most enjoyable. We got pissed as parrots Saturday night and had quite a few laughs. It was great to just chill out & de-stress. Fortunately I didn't have too much to drink & was able to explain the presence of certain items in the lounge room on the Sunday.

Mega sleep-in on the Sunday followed by a walk at Waterfall Gully. It must have been close to 20 years since I had been there before. It was lovely, if not a bit chilly, so we rounded off with a nice hot pot of tea.

Gave up on domesticity & ordered pizza. Why is it that the potency of garlic quadruples the following day? I'm hoovering mints at a rate of knots here & fear it is having no effect.

How do you prove that naturally curly hair is naturally curly?

Butcher Bulls

2004-06-25T11:25:00.000+09:30

Does anyone remember Butcher Bulls? Those fur or felt covered red or black plastic bulls that most butcher shops had on display. I just went upstairs to satisfy my chocolate craving, & noticed one standing proudly on someones shelf. It reminded me of all the times Dad & I would go shopping, visiting the butcher and the 'Happy Apple' vegie shop (usually on the way to or from a hardware shop). I hadn't seen one of the bulls in years. I wonder if they are now collector items like the Mobil flying horse signs.

Eating has been a very ad hoc affair this week and as a result my pants are falling off me a tad. Not neccessarily a bad thing. I find when I'm like this, I just get out of the habit of eating & forget to start again. Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to lunch with my Niece today. She's making Pumkin Soup, something I haven't done in what feels like eons. Though I've been more domestic of late & am enjoying it after a long break.

Quite a few pennies have been dropping of late. Pity they're not $100 notes, I could do with a few of those! One of the things that finally occurred to me was the reason why I didn't feel settled in either of the places I have lived since leaving & divorcing my Husband. Before I left, I had, what I (& others) thought was a beautiful home. Tastefully decorated, comfortable & welcoming. As a result of recently largely living elsewhere, without all my 'things', I realised that since leaving, I had been trying to re-create what I had before I left, but no longer found any pleasure in it. It appears to be no longer important to me, at the present time at least. Don't get me wrong, I still like things to look nice, and I still like decorating and making things, but I suppose I'm in a transition phase. Time to re-arrange some artwork displays perhaps?

All has been quiet on the western front, but I don't expect that to last for too long, they just can't help themselves.

Well, that's all I can think of for now.

Money don't buy me love

2004-06-24T13:19:00.000+09:30

The last few days have been like an episode of Jerry Springer, and not ones that I'd like to repeat in a hurry. Full of crap that happens to 'other people' - those people and incidents I deal with on a daily basis at work. You just never think it will happen to you. It can & it does. 'The Stalker' decided to expand her repertoire to include Attempt Break & Enter and Property Damage (Police Incident Report 04/Q04115). It's difficult to understand the lengths people will go to sometimes. This one just won't accept that what she thought existed, didn't, and that at best, the term 'FB' applied. This is all despite all efforts to make the target totally dependent on them. That's not love, not by a long shot. What it is, is a recipe for disaster where both parties become consumed by resentment. Not healthy at all. In some respects though, the whole experience has been quite cathartic & has been peppered with some rather special moments.

Having said all that, which is nowhere near close to what I'd actually like to say, but which is not appropriate here, I DO understand and appreciate at least some of what 'The Stalker' is feeling, and I'm not just saying that. I also understand that some, but only some, of those feelings may be justified. Others are totally unjustified and way over the top. It's time to grow up & move on. Find a counsellor if neccessary. Or find a new target here or here or even here, but fuck off & leave us alone!

Until next time folks.....

The things you see when you don't have a gun

2004-06-15T15:41:00.000+09:30

Saw all sorts of weird & wonderful things over the weekend. Surprisingly, the most odd was NOT the couple dressed as a Vulcan and a Klingon (who had the biggest arse I've ever seen!!), but the albino twin girls. They were identical in every way, except that one was slightly taller than the other. It was hard not to keep looking at them.

There was also the guy who fancied himself to look like Richie Blackmore. Apparently, this guy really believes he IS Blackmore. Whatever floats your boat I suppose. Lucky he wasn't wearing his top hat, or I might have had to 'creatively procure' it. I've always fancied having a top hat. Don't ask me why, I just do.

Had lunch today with a friend who was over visiting from Canberra. It was good to catch up with him. He is currently renovating his girlfriends' flat that they are both living together in and having all sorts of hassles getting decent tradesmen. It was good to see him happy too. I'm glad he has found someone. Someone exotic too, just like the clairvoyant that I took him to last year said. Freaky. He said I looked happy too & his first comment was that my "eyes hadn't changed". I should hope not!! Also that I was tall. Well, yes I am, but I haven't grown & I am wearing my high boots. He can't help being vertically challenged I suppose. We talked about all sorts of things and he mentioned that his girl was still getting used to the fact that he has female friends with whom he has 'history'. Yep, I know all about this one, yes siree. After much thinking though I have come to the conclusion that it all comes down to respect. I respect that David is in love with a wonderful girl & he respects that I am in love with a wonderful guy and the respect for each others relationships translates into respect for the individual. If that is not there, then things can turn sour. I suppose I am fortunate in that many of my male friends respect that I am 'off the menu' and very much in love with someone and hence make no overtures, suggestions or hints that I should stray or change my mind in preference for them. I appreciate that and as a result, we have been able to maintain our friendships. The couple who don't respect my relationship, and therefore me, get little more than polite responses to their emails or sms. I don't know whether I've been fortunate in this regard, or whether it's a 'girl thing', I suspect the latter unfortunately. Hate that, it gives us a bad name. My only advice to him was to be open & honest with her. She can't fear what she knows.

I've been giving my boys lots of quality cuddles the last couple of days & they very much appreciate it, but now I have to go again.

catch you all later..

Bubble & Squeak

2004-06-07T11:47:00.000+09:30

This is another of my disjointed posts which is likely to take a while to write as I have to fit this in between other things that I actually get paid to do. Bear with me, or don't proceed, the choice is yours.

I hope it gets better than this....

If the events of this morning are anything to go by, I'm in for a very ordinary week. On my way home this morning, I encountered a collision between a car & motorcycle. I was stuck at the intersection for 25 minutes before moving anywhere. So much for allowing myself enough time. Then. after feeding my VERY hungry lions, I jumped in the shower & just as quickly, jumped out again. The water was fucking freezing!! Terrific. The pilot light on my HWS went out over the weekend sometime and as it is a storage unit, the water had gone cold & wasn't going to warm up anytime soon. So, a cold shower it was. Look, I know It doesn't take much, but I really DIDN'T need a cold shower.

FOOW

I was introduced to a wonderful eatery over the weekend (which was great). A retro-inspired gourmet fish and chip shop on the Parade called Fish Out Of Water. Had a Vicious Burger complete with chargrilled capsicum, Jarlsberg cheese, Olives, Sundried tomatoes, Marinated Eggplant as well as lettuce and Beef. It was hard to make a decision about what to have. It was a little pricier than your standard fish & chip shop fare, but well worth the extra expense. Top marks for presentation as well. I'll be back

Hey, nice set of pins you have there

Why, thank you. Nah, I'm talkling about ten pin bowling pins. Had a couple of games on the weekend. Only a couple, because we didn't win lotto on Saturday night. Damn it's expensive!! I hadn't played for years and was better than I thought I would be. Got a strike in each game and came equal first in the first & not too far behind on the second. I became quite good at it back when I was about 10 (long, long time ago). We were on holiday at Surfers Paradise. It was a time of recurring power failures & often, rather than sit in a dark caravan, we went bowling, as they had power from a generator. Naturally I have played since, but not that frequently to become consistently good. This occasion was no different. I started well, wilted, then finished with a flourish at the end. Might have to save our pennies & do that again sometime soon.

Weekend Chuckle

Australian actor, David Wenham, has become a recent favourite of mine. He's such a chameleon and his recent performances have been excellent. I read with interest the piece that was in the Advertiser on Saturday. When I got to their mention of his role in the film 'Gettin Square', I nearly fell off the lounge from laughter at their reference to his character 'running down the street wearing leopard print budgie smugglers.' Now, I've recently had my education broadened on the use of Aussie slang etc... but this is one I hadn't heard before. To those who haven't seen it yet, you simply MUST see 'Gettin' Square'. It's an absolute riot. And for those that think there are no crooks like those of Wenhams' character, think again. There are many. We have a very similar regular 'client'. A few months ago he came into the station, asked for a pen & paper, and promptly wrote out his 'Resignation from Crime'. He offended within 24 hours and was promptly arrested.

Weekend Frustration

Refer Point Number 37 of my '100+ Things'

Where art thou?

Where has the lovely Sharn got to?? Has she run off with the Videologist?

Ghost Hunt

One of our finds of the weekend, was a book on the Ghost's of Australia. To those of you who believe in such things (yes, I do), have you ever encountered one? I 'felt' the one that 'resides' in the former Rectory at Kapunda (Paedophile Liddy's Shenandoah). it used to be part-owned by my high school & we had our Matric camp there. Many of us came away as believers. It was nothing particularly scary, but you knew something (or somebody) else was there.

Untitled

FUCK OFF!!! You're not, you never were & you never will be. You know who you are & you know what I'm talking about.

Have a great week everyone. Until we meet again.....

Yoohoo, Is anybody there?

2004-06-02T11:00:00.000+09:30

Where has everyone gone? I know I've been slack, but what's your excuse?

Had the most horrid night sleep. Took ages to get to sleep and I awoke again at 4am, my head full of Demons and Monsters. They are largely borne of my own mind, products of gut feelings, intuition and a fear of the unknown. I'm not sure yet what I need to do to 'slay the dragon', but until I do, these feelings and images are filling my mind and causing me to feel physically ill. I have a lovely dinner to look forward to tonight, I hope I can summon some appetite before then.

Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill

2004-06-01T16:58:00.000+09:30

Well, it's been a strange few days. So much of a rollercoaster that today I ended up feeling physically ill & somewhat wrung out. I could do with a massage, a hug & a hot chocolate.

Still shitty about my car. Grrrr..... I found something else wrong. This time it's damage caused by the crash repairers that they hastily tried to hide. Think again guys, I'm a details girl! I have an appointment with the Insurance assessor on Thursday afternoon. Wish me luck, I can feel a battle coming on.

It was good to catch up with a mate for coffee on Friday night & find out all about his new business venture. The pest wouldn't tell me untill he saw me in person. Cheeky.

Saturday went from ordinary to positively awful and saw me partaking in DVD's and a generous quantity of alcohol. I finally crashed it & woke with a migraine. Sheesh - all I needed. No, it wasn't a hangover. Well, not entirely. A steady diet of codeine kept the pain at bay and allowed me enough time to get some more sleep in before getting a surprise call. Within 5 minutes my spirits were lifted once again before reality kicked in & I realised I didn't have much time to be somewhere. I was a happy girl once again & the rest of the weekend was lovely.

Same old story at work today. Too much to do & so little time. What struck me though was the sudden increase in reports of stalking that we are getting. People are finally getting jack of it & realising that it's fucking ILLEGAL!!!! What they are also realising is that it doesn't neccessarily just mean you are being followed or spied upon, it also now includes all of the various electronic methods of stalking - phone, email, sms etc... Thank god for that. I've been there myself & it wasn't fun. I also know a couple of people having to deal with it at the moment. It's very stressful. Why the hell people can't just piss off when you ask them to, is beyond me.

To top everything off, I have a blind pimple developing in my ear. God it hurts!!

I should really eat something for dinner, but I don't feel like it at all. I'll have to think about that one further.

Time for a cuppa

ciao

How F#@king Hard Is It??????

2004-05-29T10:55:00.000+09:30

I got my car back yesterday. I'm not a happy little vegemite. I haven't yet had a really good look at it, because it was raining, but so far a couple of things are glaringly obvious. Like that fact that the paint is the WRONG COLOUR!!!! Blind Freddy could see it I'm sure. Colour matching, my arse!! Then there issue of the panel matching, or rather, lack of it. I'm quite sure I could have done a better job myself..& I'm being deadly serious!!!!

My head hurts. I KNEW this would happen. Now I'll have a battle on my hands to get it all done properly. & this time I'm NOT paying for a hire car. I don't care who does, but it won't be me!!

I have a headache. I don't need this.

What's new pussycat?

2004-05-25T21:30:00.000+09:30

The latest on Jet

Jet is MUCH better. The antibiotics have worked a treat. The abscess is almost gone & his appetite has returned. His coat is looking better than last week, thanks god, as he looked like a mangy alley cat. I saved $400 & the vet will have to find someone else to fund his next trip to Europe.

The latest on my Car

I get a phone call on Monday morning advising that the repairer has found some further damage to the 'skirt' & that I wouldn't be getting it back Tuesday. It would be ready Wednesday the 26th. Then I get a phone call today. I was away from the phone so it took a message. The same message that I got Monday, but telling me now that the car won't be ready until FRIDAY!! What the..????? I called back & told them that that is what I was told on Monday & asked why they would need 4 days to fix it. I asked her to check with the repairer as it all sounded a bit sus. She phones back. Apparently on hearing of the extra damage, their assessor wanted another look at it. Then I was spun some drivel about the bonnet. It would appear that they tried to repair the bonnet & the assessor wasn't happy, so they now have to replace it. Hence the extra delay. Still, I have to continue hiring the rental (because I DO need it) & that has now run to more than $300 which is the money I had for paying the electricity bill. Grrrrrrr

Everything else

Had a good, but busy weekend. Lots of driving & I'm exhausted. Off to bed in a minute for me. Especially as I have to be up with the sparrows in the morning. Work is interesting at the moment, but I'll fill you in on that later. I'm starting to write gibberish....

I wish the real world would just stop hassling me...

2004-05-21T13:53:00.000+09:30

It never rains, it pours.

Took Jet off to the vet yesterday. He has an infected tooth. My poor baby. The vet was all ready to rip it out today, under a general anaesthetic. What he failed to mention was that this procedure was going to set me back $500!!!! WTF??????? Worse still, they wanted payment in full when I collected Jet. Sure, I have spare cash laying around, doesn't everybody? Apparently they must, because they seemed quite taken aback when I told them I couldn't rustle up $500. "we accept credit cards' the girl says tersely. Well, good on ya, but it doesn't help me, because I don't have a credit card! I tried to explain that I had just had a car accident & that I had to use the money for my HUGE electricity bill to pay for car hire. Nope, didn't give a hoot. Poor Jet could keel over for all they cared. As much as it pains me, I had to resort to the 'economy' treatment which was antibiotics and eye ointment....& a hundred less dollars in my bank account. God I'm sick to death of being broke!

After my trip to the Vet, I met a girlfriend for coffee. She had news apparently. I asked if she was pregnant, even though the chances of that are remote. Like me, she is not particularly maternal. No, she wasn't pregnant. Phew! that's a relief! She tells me to keep April 9th 2005 free, because she's finally getting married!!!!!! About bloody time I said! She & her partner have been together for 10 years. Also, it will be her first marriage, and she'll be 39. That date is also my Mum & Dads 50th Wedding Anniversary & they will get an invite too. How cool. No, I'm not a bridesmaid, thank god, but I will have fun doing the girly thing & picking out a dress. That will be a challenge in itself. She wants something in black or forest green & she's somewhat 'vertically challenged' & a little on the cuddly side. & people think that I'm 'Goth'???? Well, I don't have purple & black hair......I'm happy for her. She said I was looking good. Happier than I had been in quite a while. I was pleased that I did & felt good that it was noticeable.

I miss my car!! I want it back...NOW!!!! It won't be ready until next week, Monday or Tuesday apparently.

I've been tweaking my '100 Things' and will probably continue to do so as I think of things to put on it. I don't know whether I should replace items, or try for '200 things'??

Isn't Adelaide a small place? I was up at Tea Tree Plaza last night when I bumped into Dida and her man. It's nice to put a face to the name finally.

2004-05-20T14:53:00.000+09:30

My philosophy on life is pretty simple.

Life is not a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways,
thoroughly used, totally worn out
and loudly proclaiming...

'F#@k, what a trip!'"

Be careful whose toes you step on today, they might be attached to the arse you have to kiss tomorrow

2004-05-18T17:46:00.000+09:30

I think whatever infliction Drama Queen has, it must be contageous. I have no idea what to write. I'm not sure whether it's because my head is empty, or so full of crap, I can't decipher any of it well enough to put into words. I do apologise therefore if none of the following makes any sense at all.

I'd like another weekend please. Though it ended well, I spent most of it working on my last assignment for my Graduate Diploma. The assignment was crap, as usual. For some reason I struggled with the subject. I'm not even sure why. Perhaps it was just my state of mind, but I don't think the fact that my subject co-ordinator was less than helpful improved matters any. He was one of these types that would deduct marks, but not qualify why. How bloody frustrating! In a way, now that I have finished, it's all a bit of an anti-climax.

Saw Troy over the weekend. See it on Tightarse Tuesday or wait for the video/DVD. Read Danny's review for a bit of a heads up on it.

I've noticed that the wonderful Cat is in 'poetry mode' at the moment. I've always wanted to be able to write poetry. I wrote a poem in high school (eons ago) about the druids and stonehenge. I thought it was pretty damn good at the time. I don't know where it is though. If I ever find it again, & still think it's reasonable, I just might post it.

Came home tonight to find that my elderly cat Jet has a swollen left eye. I shall bathe it when he comes back in. Hopefully he won't need to go to the vet. That's the last thing I need at the moment.

Over in my '100 Things' I mentioned that I have only had one car accident (yep, that recent one) providing you didn't take into account the time I hit my gate. Well, I thought, considering my car is being repaired at the moment, if that damage comes in at less than the excess (with it being my fault), I may as well have it done too. I got the quote today. I nearly died!! $940!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it! Needless to say, I probably won't have it done! The rest of the damage came to $4,300. Everyone was surprised, expecting it to be in the $8,000 range.

Work was a bit odd today. My new boss started. HOORAY!!!!!! He's actually my old boss, the one that was there when I first started in SAPol. He's a top bloke & one for whom I have a great deal of respect. I think I really need that at the moment. The 2IC who was acting in the position couldn't run a bath, and though he's a nice bloke generally (if you don't mind his perfect wife, perfect kids, perfect life being rammed down your throat 24/7) I have very little respect for him. With being a bit stale, the combination was disasterous. Hopefully I might now find a new lease on life.

Oh, and just to clarify something on my last post, because I received questions, I'm not interested in dating my friend Paul, I'm quite happily un-single thanks, I'm trying to set him up with my friend Sandy. Wish me luck. It'll probably be a total disaster!!

Off to find Jet.......